lovehate podcast 194: Help Me Oldsmobile Kenobi! You're My Only Hope!

photolink courtesy www.ctv.ca 

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"Indistinguishable from afar, the 3-D image of the girl will gradually appear as drivers approach her. She will be most realistic from 30 metres away and then disappear as the driver gets closer." Someone call the Horsemen folks. We're getting closer.

 

Filed under  //  advertising   children   driving   hologram   safety   vancouver  
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thinglets: 10 Signs of a Great 70's Van Print Ad

Signs of a great 70s van print ad:

1) All the girls are wearing bikini tops.

2) All the guys are stoned or on their way there.

3 The Sun is smiling.

4) Speech bubbles pop up with great quotes like: "Did you know Street Van spelled backwards is Teerts Nav?"

5) The air is full of psychedelic rainbows.

6) You can clip a fill-in form to send for FREE INFORMATION.

7) It comes with a "Customizing Idea Kit" to help the guys... who are on their way.

8) Retro Terms: high-back buckets, ve-ry hea-vy, seat freak, do it yourself porthole, fat Polyglas Tires.

9) Van roofs are for sunbathing.

10) You get a free one year membership in the "Van Clan"... 'nuff said.

Filed under  //  advertising   design   magazine   retro  
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thinglets: Tasting the Awesome!

I don't know that, if I was ever the owner of a major restaurant chain, I would ever want to ask my customers to come and "Taste the Awesome". If I'm offering something for a limited time, does that mean that the awesome hasn't existed in my eateries before, and that soon it won't anymore.

If the former, I would think it may a slap in the face to my loyal customers who have been frequenting the establishments for years, sucking down greaseball chunks of cow carcass adorned with "American" cheese that is far more suited to being garish than garnish. It's giving the ultimate FU! to all the fine folks who've been telling their friends for years how "awesome" my restaurant was and then pulling out the rug of sinewy lettuce and watching them fall on the ketchup-stained floor while I sit back in some corporate office with my feet up on a desk adorned with a WalMart frame containing a holiday portrait of my wife and 1.8 children wearing clothes from the GAP and Old Navy laughing gleefully to myself watching porn on the web after office hours thinking of drinking myself into a stupor and taking a long walk off a short overpass.

If the latter, it's a flailing testament to your organization's lack of ability to conceive of anything to capture the hearts and minds of the shuffling automatons that are one thread removed from just repeatedly bumping into the plate glass like a moth to a porch light until they summon up millennia of evolutionary Jungian percepts to grasp the handle of the door and pull while you raise a cold Miller Genuine Daft with your marketing team at putting another one over on the folks who thought that your regular burger/double burger/double cheeseburger/quarter pounder with cheese/triple cheeseburger and applewood smoked bacon artery hardening confection wasn't good enough... of course it wasn't good enough. If it was good enough, there would be no room for awesome.

But it's only for a limited time! Crap! You mean I'll never be able to savour the bourbon soaked ketchup sauce and sponge-nion rings that make up this colossus of awesomeness? I better hop in practical yet affordable sports utility vehicle and buy one of these right away, because someday when I write my novel, I'll never be able to complete this chapter on my life unless I can say I tasted the awesome. In fact, that's what I'm going to name that chapter of the autobiography. It's going rest somewhere between "Where's the Beef" and "Two All Beef Patties, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese, Pickles, Onions on a Sesame Seed Bun". The title of the entire book will be called Had it MY Way! I'll be the most awesomest writer in the world!

Filed under  //  advertising   awesome   burger   fast food   marketing   mcdonalds   wendys   whopper  
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thinglets: Truth in (Television) Advertising

[Coca Cola, IBM, Microsoft, General Electric] Considering that 20 minutes of every 60 minute [Nokia, McDonald's, Google, Toyota] television show is advertising, that means that there [Intel, Disney, Hewlett-Packard, Mercedes Benz] is only 40 minutes of programming. And that a [Gillette, Cisco, BMW, Honda] 40 to 20 minute ratio scales right down [Samsung, Apple, American Express, Pepsi] to 2 minutes of content for every 1 [Oracle, Nescafe, Nike, Ikea] minute of advertising. As most 60 minute dramas [Sony, Budweiser, UPS, HSBC] parse that down to 8 minute content and [Canon, Kellogg's, Dell, Citi] 4 minute commercial blocks, it's not hard to [Nintendo, Gucci, Philips, Amazon] picture what such a model would look like [L'Oreal, Heinz, Ford, Wrigley] for blog posts.

And people wonder why I [Colgate, Volkswagen, Morgan Stanley, Nestle] get my content from the net. [KFC, Adidas, Blackberry, Yahoo]

Filed under  //  advertising   commercials   television  
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thinglets: Who's Got More Flair?

A bizarre juxtaposition on SanLuisObispo.com. Full kudos for covering the protests in China during the 60th anniversary of communism, but is such an important world event best paired with the "party girls" from F. McLinktock's Saloon and Dining Lounge? Maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps most of the protest signs are actually ads for The Gap or Stuckey's.

Filed under  //  advertising   china   flair   juxtaposition   news   protest   website  
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Podcast 106 - Glee Sucks! Deal With It.

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My two word review of the Fall TV Hit Glee, plus freaky-ass cereal mascots, how Patrick Swayze cost me my job, and how Tom Waits song titles become poetry.

Filed under  //  advertising   celebrity   cereal   dirty dancing   glee   patrick swayze   television   tom waits  
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thinglets: “As Seen On TV” Houseware Product Name Generator

Filed under  //  advertising   as seen on tv   billy mays   commercial   housewares   kitchen   late night   product   shamwow   slap chop  
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thinglets: High School Musical 70's Style

I figure that since the majority of people working at McDonald's now are high school students, and we all know that High School students are prone to break out into song about anything, these gentlemen (who were very happy at mopping and cleaning out grease traps) must be the closest thing the 70s had to High School Musical... expect Fame.

Filed under  //  1970s   70s   advertising   commercial   fast food   high school   mcdonalds   musical   nostalgia   retro   singing   television   work  
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thinglets: 20 NASCAR Race Names You'll Never Hear

  1. The Vagisil 250
  2. The Preparation H 175
  3. The Thunderbird Wine 99
  4. The Al Gore 900
  5. The Heinz EZ Squirt Purple Ketchup 240
  6. The Dank Blunt 420
  7. The Edible Underwear 69
  8. The Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding 345
  9. The Oprah Book Club 19.95
  10. The Tickle Me Elmo 123
  11. The Texas Roadrunner Meat 555
  12. The Ben Gay 65
  13. The Stud 100 Male Genital Desensitizer 100
  14. The Bavolex Irritable Bowel Syndrome Relief Formula 246
  15. The Shady Maple Farms Organic Maple Syrup Grade B Jug 32
  16. The Navitas Naturals Organic Goji Berries Himalayan Superfruit 007
  17. The Pampers Cruisers 911
  18. The Climax Bursts Anal Lube 202
  19. The Going Native Pumpkin Curry 747
  20. The Kentucky Chapter of NAMBLA <13

Filed under  //  advertising   auto racing   funny   gross   humor   nascar   politically incorrect   race   sponsor   sports  
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thinglets: 5 Crazy Sci-Fi Cereal Boxes

As crazy as most cereal boxes are when they introduce characters and mascots, sometimes the non-traditional juxtapositions make for the nuttiest futuristic things you never thought you'd see as part of your cereal box fort.

1) Spock Sugar Smacks

2) C-3POs

3) PEP - The Solar Cereal

4) Quisp

5) E.T.

and as an added bonus... which isn't really sci-fi, but I imagine could get you high!

Filed under  //  advertising   boxes   breakfast   cereal   design   nostalgia   pep   quisp   retro   saturday morning   sci-fi   smurfs   spock   star wars  
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