DyscultureD Podcast Thirty Eight: The Double Down

This week's episode!

My other web outlet is at DyscultureD where we do a weekly podcast on all things right and wrong with pop culture. Follow the link above to this week's episode... show notes below.

Full Dysclosure

• The scratch ticket affair that is the MJ memorial
• Bell buys Virgin Mobile and The Source
• BNN buckles on IP and copyright video clips
• Pirate Bay sells short
• Alternate Bit Torrent options
• Browser Wars Part @?$#%
• Canadian made TV hitting US Big 3
• Cheap Trick’s not-so-cheap trick in music promotion

Websites of the Week

• Mike - bookseer.com - a simple recommendation engine for your NEXT read
• Anth - theusermanualsite.com - ever lost a user manual for a gadget or appliance? Find it here.

Music

Laura Smith - I Spy a Monster - www.laurasmithmusic.com

thinglets: this is why I lovehate the 70s

lovehate: the color archetype of pop cans

There are plenty of brands of carbonated beverages that have all made the surface areas of cans artwork. It's a unique 3D form that opens up endless possibilities for looped imagery and vibrant colors to set it apart from other brands. The artwork on a pop can is reflection of the times and the product. Your average Coke design never strays too far from its roots. Stylized script font and basic color scheme have endured the test of time. Remember when they tried "New Coke"? The reaction was bigger than the recent Facebook profile design uprising of aught nine?

Pepsi kept its basic logo similar for a long period until they went all "New Generation" and started to overwrite the red, white, and blue with mostly blue. In an effort to distinguish itself from the king, Pepsi made a decision that was not only daring, but transcended the color tradition of pop flavors. The decision was also Pepsi's "Curse of the Babe" in ever hoping they could catch up with King Coke. Admittedly my "color legend" of pop types comes from a Canadian upbringing, but from what I've seen things aren't too different in the US. I hesitate to think any of these standards may match up with the common scheme overseas.

The Pop Can Color Archetype

Red - Cola... there is no doubt that when some historical decision was made for Coke to adopt it's color scheme, it became the archetype by which all other colas would be measured. It's still hard to find any brand of cola that is not predominantly branded red... although some have started to try and go Pepsi blue.

White - Diet Anything... although recently taken over with some brands by grey (and light blue with Diet Pepsi), white was the defacto standard for many years when dealing with any diet pop. It was basically analogous to a sports team's home and away jerseys.

Brown - Root Beer... I recall Hires, A&W, now Mug. For some reason I suppose the idea of the word "root" and the color of dirt was too good to pass up.

Dark Green - Ginger Ale... strange that even though Ginger Ale is a golden amber color the dark green was adopted. I remember it mostly from Canada Dry, but the standard was also adopted by Schweppes and several others. Also picked by Mountain Dew during some of its many generations.

Light Green - Lemon-Lime... I suppose Sprite and 7-Up were the predominant memories on this one, although they have modified to add blues and greys over the past few years, the green to light green patterns are still evident, often reflected with the plastic bottle in larger sizes.

Dark Red (Cherry Red) - Cherry Cola... seems obvious and is even upheld by the Dr. Pepper brand which echoes the hints of a cherry cola.

Orange - Orange... yeah, well, some have to be obvious don't they?

Blue - Club Soda... I know it sounds silly, but until Pepsi adopted the blue for their mass marketing, the rare pop can you ever saw that was blue contained Club Soda. I don't know what club one had to belong to to pay hard-earned money for tasteless carbonated liquid, but I didn't want to join.

Yellow - Tonic Water... similar to Club Soda in it's rare appearance in homes and even on store shelves. Yellow has also been co-opted by indie drinks like Mellow Yellow, but for years was rare in the pop aisles.

Gold - Caffeine Free... yeah, I know that many Ginger Ale's have taken gold for diet versions or often bottled versions if the bottle remains green, but growing up the first instances I remember of gold popping in were when the caffeine-free versions of cola started to hit the shelves.

Purple - Grape... pretty self-evident. I can't even attest as to whether the grape flavor in grape pop is made with purple or green grapes, but I'm willing to stipulate if you are.

Pink - Cream Soda... I'm not quite sure where this matchup came from. Sure, I know that the pop is colored in the same fashion, but that's usually an after the fact decision. Maybe they were simply running out of colors.

Grey - The new white. The steelish look reflects light better and gives an aire of sophistication to diet beverages... not really, I just made that up.

The color archetype of the pop can is important in the life cycles of branding. If you're going to hook young children on these beverages before they can read, they'd better be able to associate color and design. That Pepsi broke the chain in their blue- themed "generational" campaigns may have not spelled out their doom, but showed a willingness to succumb to the power that has become the gold (or should it be "red") standard of pop can iconography.

Of course I've never forgiven the pop manufacturer's consortium for breaking away from the perfect venn diagram of the two-holed pressure release can opening system. The perfect evolution of the pull tab and the elegant ancestor of the pop tab, the pressure release system was a masterful piece of carbonated beverage engineering. Damn you soda pop manufacturing concerns. May your agitated containers be explosively opened before they resettle.

Podcast Thirty Five: 25 Things I Didn't Want to Know About Anyone

Click here to download:

lovehatethings - 25 Things I Didn't Want to Know About Anyone.mp3 (11169 KB)

Reflections on the Facebook 25 Things meme and the travesty that is the rehash of The Pink Panther.

thinglets: More Sesame Surrealism

What can I say? In the context of the show, great learning moments. On their own, it's like someone dropped the brown acid at Woodstock.
 

 

 

 

Podcast Thirty Four: Beware of Geeks Bearing Gifts

Click here to download:

lovehatethings - Beware of Geeks Bearing Gifts.mp3 (11024 KB)

Concerning employers trying to become our new social networks, tech blog entries full of sound and fury, signifying nothing, Comcast pays us to watch porn and the how I'm preparing to blow out the last candle on the integrity of popular music.

lovehate: Auto-accompaniment and the Failures of Simulation

I've been playing piano since I was five and, while there have been short periods when performing music has fallen out of my interests, I have almost always had an appreciation for a completely live performance. Such a performance can include anything from a single instrument and voice all they way up to a full orchestra.

I remember playing as a teenager in the 80s-drenched synth-oriented dance pop that pervaded the charts. I remember even buying into the concept of a synthesizer or two but hated the concept of the dreaded sequencers and samplers that would allow even the most inept players to spout forth with "cool" sounding patterns and loops. I could tolerate the idea of a synthesizer making sounds that were unique to the instrument itself and not trying to generate something else. With the persistent adoption of drum machines and string patches and horn sections and poorly-modelled electric pianos, I retreated further into a state that I considered a bit of musical elitism: a piano sound should come from a piano, a drum sound should come from a drum, and a bass guitar sound should come from a bass guitar.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the attraction of simulation. I have recorded songs where I've used a keyboard to create multiple music tracks, but always, in my head at least, the exercise was just that - an exercise. Call me old-fashioned when it comes to music, but I believe there should be something organic to musical sound. And this from a guy who grew up idolizing Keith Emerson and his endlessly-tweakable envelope filters.

As I grew older, I developed a certain tolerance for auto-accompaniment, but always with a sense of kitsch. The idea of the cheesy home organ with beat generator and portamento was to being smiled at and laughed with instead of laughed at. I am willing to listen to someone satrize a traditionally serious song by giving it the Wurlitzer treatment.

And it was with all this derision that I shook my head in disbelief when I learned of Microsoft's Songsmith software during CES last month. While this product's limitations have been shown to glorious and humorous effect by copying the vocal lines of past hits into its engine and watching the generic "reggae" or "soft rock" accompaniment get triggered, could anyone have really expected anything different... you know what? I was exepecting better.

While I believe the concept abhorrent and completely against all of my sensibilities about music, I fully expect that the technology is not out of reach to mesh anyone's random vocalizing with a very solid sounding accompaniment. I anticipate that no matter how bad someone sings, the software's engine should, on the fly, fix any out of tune notes and quantize the rhythmless until they sound inoffensive. I expect that music AI has advanced far enough that realistic-sounding instruments can be modelled in real time to sound at least as good as many of the mediocre ballads that are in the top ten of most pop music charts.

I expect we're on that threshold and, while it should scare the hell out of me, I've discovered I really don't care because if some out-of-tune arhythmic cellar dweller can one day sell a million copies of a song they produced in their basement, and maybe flip the RIAA and the Big Four the finger while doing so, I'll buy a cake and with wry, smiling dismay blow out the last candle on musical integrity.

lovehate: The Real Reasons

When the Superbowl arrives every year, those of us who are even casual football fans, and many who never watch football at any other time, prepare for parties that rival Caligula's hedonism. While this is nothing new, and the tradition is certainly well-established, it has prompted a question about connections between two seemingly completely unrelated things.

I realize for some that the idea of Sunday football has become less about football and more about food, drink and friends. This is the relationship that I find so interesting. Essentially, the real reason for many people to watch the Superbowl (which is traditionally a mediocre game) is to give people an excuse to socialize with friends. With this connection in mind, some of the other real reasons we do things may start to unfold.

I thus present a lovehatethings list, based on no scientific research, and in no specific order, that I shall call...

The Real Reasons

The real reasons people read self-help books are to help moderate their insecurities. After all, if only 25% of the things in the book apply to you, there are people out there in 75% worse shape than you are.

The real reason people line up for things is to appease their demographic.

The real reason people ice fish is to drink.

The real reason people go to bars is to not be lonely.

The real reason women go clubbing is to have fun with friends.

The real reason men go clubbing is to get laid. This is also the irreducable primary for 90% of the things men do, but to save time, you'll just have to trust me.

The real reason people buy Monster Cables is because they believe cost equals quality.

The real reason we still go to McDonald's is because we were brainwashed as children to choose brand over exploring.

The real reason people drink alcohol is to forget.

The real reason that people blog is steeped in vanity.

The real reason that people podcast, in addition to vanity, is to out do bloggers.

The real reason people yell is because they feel insignificant.

The real reason people go to church is the same reason people use online social networking is the same reason people spend hours in a coffee shop is the same reason people watch Oprah.

The real reason we steal music by illegal downloading is because someone doesn't want us to.

The real reason we spend money on things we don't need is because concretizing our wealth is comforting to our sensiblities.

The real reason people go hunting is because they lack the serenity to go walking.

The real reason we buy the thing that's "new" and "improved" is more about wish fulfillment and possibility than actually belief.

The real reason the economy is so messed up is because we're lazy.

The real reason we're lazy is because action can lead to failure.

The real reason failure scares us has little to do with fear of our inabilities and more to do with our fear of others.

The real reason people laughed at that kid getting his head shot off in the back seat of the car by John Travolta in Pulp Fiction is because we're too scared to cry is the reason therapists thrive.

The real reason we advance technology is because the whenever we ask the existential questions that lead to the nature of real reason for everything, we realize we can't answer, but we hope technology will one day allow us to.

The real reason for every war of the modern era isn't borders or religion or resources, but the low self-esteem of the decision-makers.

The real reason borders still exist is to preserve a way of life that has been manufactured, packaged, imported and sold to you.

The real reason you "buy-in" is because it's too much work to "buy-out".

The real reasons that motivate our actions bely our need to avoid reality.

Impromptu Podcast 23: The Decadence of the Double Gulp

Click here to download:

fbtsomp023 - The Decadence of the Double Gulp.mp3 (6048 KB)

Considering the 7-11 1.8L Double Gulp fountain drink: a fountain pop option that shouldn't rationally exist, yet provides a sense of accomplishment.

lovehate: MemeMakers

In being thoroughly discouraged by what cuts it as an internet meme these days, I've decided to do a little deconstruction in determining what make a meme into the little slice of temporary pop culture phenomena that it is.

First, let's not deceive ourselves into thinking that ascertaining a meme's popularity is totally predictable. I maintain that a mainstream meme is the result of sheer luck and circumstance of a well-placed tweet or digg by a popular blogger, or a surreptitious mention on a popular podcast. So if one's heart is set on creating the next big meme, where does one begin?

Ingredient One: I Can Mistake Inglish?

Back as far as "All Your Base Are Belong To Us" people have flocked to mildly humorous examples of the English language being misrepresented or completely mismanaged to create a lasting effect that ranges from the silly to the absurd. Of course several years after the "Base" meme ran its course, "I can has cheezburger" kept up the trend, but included what will become our second step. The "Base" meme, due to its early nature, took longer to evolve and, because of it, stuck around longer. Several music and video remixes were made that required a certain level of expertise and allowed for the endurance of "Base".

Ingredient Two: Animalz R Phunny

Whether it's a cat, owl, or prairie dog, the sure sense of a odds-on meme will include an animal of some sort. With popularity going back to the early days of cats making unsuccessful jumps from sofas to tables, people love to see animals in two different scenarios: 1) being cute, 2) wiping out. The animal memes rely heavily on the minor abilities of people to use image editing to add text to photos. The partial, yet relatively minor skills involved in pushing this type of meme forward will spread it far more quickly, but ultimately cause it to flame out quicker.

Ingredient Three: Unmotivationals

The minor Photoshopping skills that people require for the text/animal mashups can also be used to create faux motivational posters. While this has become a meme in itself that would have run its course, the endless content that can be adapted has kept this satirical or parody-inspired practice in vogue. Also, the sheer ridiculous factor of the ever-growing original Motivators will continue to inspire this knockoff meme.

Ingredient Four: People Say/Do the Stupidest Things

"Stupid" people (read: wrong time, wrong place, wrong words for many of them) initiate this style of meme that propagates through video. Let's face it, it only takes the flailing of Star Wars Kid or a beauty pageant candidate exposing her sheer idiocy to capture the imagination of a mashup web generation. Remember "I like turtles!", "I'm not taking my glasses off", or "Leave Britney Alone!" If you don't, you must have been away from the web or ignoring the Fw:fw:fw: in your webmail boxes during the perfect time period. The stupidity inspires mashups, knockoffs, and responses that can keep these memes alive for a few weeks. The ease of use in spreading the word about these clips have made them some of the most popular memes of all. After all, what does it really take to email a youtube link to a friend, post it on twitter or facebook, or blog about it? But even if video dries up, you can always just add text to a picture of a person caught in an embarrassing situation that reads "EPIC FAIL!"

Ingredient Five: The Unexpected

From the early efforts of people being redirected to gross out porn to the more recent efforts that have revived Rick Astley's career through Rickrolling, the ability of someone to perform misdirection in link text or similar disguise has become as much an email meme as it has a web meme. Microblogging is a ripe medium for such an effort as it has become so simple to type "You Have to See This Car Accident" and then have the url redirect to Astley or a dozen other crazy clips. Kind of the laziest practical joke going, the misdirected link to unexpected content will always be around in one form or another.

And so we come to the part of the post where I try to create the ultimate meme. While I will try to incorporate as many of the ingredients as possible, I may not hit all of them. Cats have been done to death so I'm mashing up a picture of a soft-shelled turtle splayed out on the sand with its head half peeking out with the all upper case captions "I NEEDZ VIAGRA" across the top and "CLIC HERE TO HELP" across the bottom. In blazing red upper and lower case mix, diagonal to the top right we have "EPiC SHeLL FaiL" and the entire picture, when clicked, links to the misdirection video clip from an 80s band. While I've missed out on the Motivational parody and the human aspect in the original content, I do believe the goofy humans in the video make up for it. So we have a 1-2-5 meme with a dash of post 4.

Please feel free to send the link to as many friends as you like or mashup your own soft-shelled turtle viagra jokes as you can muster... I feel cheap and dirty.