thinglets: Fecal Fountains of Soda Found

"A team of microbiologists from Hollins University found that 48% of the sodas they tested from fast food soda fountains had coliform bacteria..." - via

How does one play the PR on this? Maybe offer a Fecal Lite or Cherry Fecal? How about Dr. Fecal or Soda Plop? Surely the grand experts of advertising spin must be able to pull us out of this smelling like roses.

I've got it! Pay a scientist to say that fecal matter increases sexual potency, then offer it in pill form to the discriminating markets in Japan that pay thousands for dehydrated powdered whale penis.