lovehate: 7 Things No Less Horrifying than a MJ Memorial Lottery

Some, not-so-far-fetched events considering lotteries for dead celebs are up for grabs:

1) The Karl Malden Memorial Bingo - Considering Malden was a senior (even to seniors), there surely must be some kind of promotion we can incorporate whereby the Bingo card maps out the streets of San Francisco. With a full card Bingo you get to attend a Karl Malden Memorial Around the Bay police chase.

2) The Steve McNair Memorial NFL Fantasy League - In honour of McNair, you can only pick NFL players from Alcorn State or other Division I-AA schools. The winner gets lunch with OJ and the exclusive rights to sell any photos from that lunch to CNN's "Lunch With OJ" coverage which culminates in a 12 hour marathon Larry King interview with Regis Philbin about their memories of working in NY in the 1890s.

3) The Fred Travelena Memorial Scavenger Hunt - The goal is to find someone under 30 who can tell you who Fred Travelena is. The winner moves on to the Rich Little Scavenger Hunt. Rich Little isn't dead, but the goal here is to find someone who thinks he's still alive.

4) The Billy Mays Memorial OxiClean Chili Cook-Off - Trying to determine the tastiest and spiciest chili, not by actually tasting it, but by standing on a soapbox and pitching it. The winner gets a year's supply of OxiClean - but if they win NOW, the prize is doubled for the next 15 minutes.

5) The Farrah Fawcett Memorial Hardball Classic - Every team is named the Angels. When you get to each base, you have to stop, turn, face the camera and flip your hair. To score a run you have to fight Ryan O'Neal. The winner gets dinner with Kate Jackson, the Jaclyn Smith miniseries DVD library, and an autographed copy of Cheryl Ladd's blockbuster, Millennium.

6) The Ed McMahon Memorial... gee... I'm stumped. I can't think of anything lottery or sweepstakes-like concept to associate with McMahon. Oh well.

7) The David Carradine Memorial Kumite - Ralph Macchio hosts an amateur competition of people who have never been trained in karate... wow, I think I just came up with two new hours of programming for FOX - So You Think You Know Karate... anyway, they flail wildly at each other until one remains. The winner gets a trip to Thailand where get to engage in one of the great Thai pastimes, auto-erotic asphyxiation.