I believe the only true definition of art is that which I can make money from.
I believe anything that is new should be tightly restricted until I can find a way to gouge people for it.
I believe anyone who shares content for free is a pinko commie scumbag trying to screw me out of my job.
I believe anyone who makes a mixed CD for a friend is destroying our culture.
I believe anyone who downloads a movie through a Bit Torrent site hates everything good and decent.
I believe anyone who photocopies a book for the purposes of education is teaching our children to be criminals.
I believe anyone who shares one copyrighted song online costs the artist at least $25,000.
I believe that my accusatory tone is enough in summarily booting an entire family from internet access forever.
I believe governments should seize every iPod, iPhone, notebook and USB drive that crosses an international border.
I believe all rights to protections against personal and home search and seizure should be suspended to protect Mickey Mouse, Nickelback and Dan Brown.
I believe Major League Baseball does not hold intellectual property rights over the term "three strikes and you're out!"
I believe that children are our future... and that if I can get them to start paying 99 cents a song at age 5, I've got them hooked.
I believe that if an idea is good for everybody, I should be able to charge for it.
I believe that if I let my guard down, artists will discover they can probably make more money without me than with me.
I believe I have to keep spreading paranoid propaganda to keep artists afraid to cross me.
I believe that every "donation" in a politician's pocket is one more vote in mine.
I believe there will be a time when my views are seen as archaic and damaging to the world.
I believe I'll die before I'm willing to see that happen.