lovehate: Top Ten Pieces of General Admission Summer Concert Etiquette

  1. I know you love your 3 year old. I know I don't. There are beer, drugs, and scary-looking people at rock concerts. For the price you paid for a ticket, hire a sitter.
  2. I get that there may be a song that you don't like and so you use that opportunity to go buy a drink or hit the bathroom, but if you're putting double digits on the odometer before the first hour is up, maybe you should just stand in the concession area.
  3. Your friend does not need to know RIGHT NOW which song the band is playing, nor do I need you to scream into your cellphone for 5 minutes while standing 3 feet behind me on the lawn.
  4. This is a concert, not a ball game. I can get my own drink. I don't need beer-laden shills waddling through my view to sell suds at my seat. I'd like to watch the show!
  5. As much as I might not like, but respect your right to walk up out of nowhere and stand right in front of me on the General Admission lawn, must you light up your shitty-smelling clove cigarette when doing so?
  6. Remember the inspirational maxim "Dance like nobody's watching"? Well I AM watching, because you're 5 feet in front of me and flailing around like a spastic marionette on an amphetamine bender. How about giving it a rest during, oh, I don't know, setbreaks!
  7. You know how there are times when the band WANTS you to sing along with them... oh, that's right, you do! And you think it's EVERY WORD of EVERY SONG! If I pay you the ticket price, will you shut up for the rest of the night?
  8. Your blanket is NOT eminent domain!
  9. While I know you want to get rid of you $9 beer cans so that you don't have to step on them while getting your "groove thang" on, letting them roll into my space so that my equilibrium on a hill is threatened. Especially if you move downhill from me... I'm a big guy.
  10. I'm guessing you talked to your concert-mate on the phone earlier, on the drive over, and pre-show. While the music is playing, here's a general rule: How about a little less talking and a little more SHUT THE HELL UP!

thinglets: 5 Ways to Piss Off a Bar Full of People

All of the following have been done by myself or with a group of people. Some of them were done to intentionally piss people off, some of them were only discovered annoying after the act was complete.

  1. Ordered 6 pints of Guinness in a small bar in London with only one bartender and a slow tap.
  2. Engaged in a competition with some friends to clear the bar of young'uns with obscure jukebox music. I won when I found the live version of Dazed and Confused from Zep's Song Remains the Same clocking in at over 26 minutes.
  3. In the same vein, while playing in a classic rock cover band, once played a 45 minute version of Radar Love because the only table of drunks left in the dive bar kept yelling for "Skynyrd".
  4. During the Blue Jays World Series years sang the "Okay, Blue Jays, Let's Play Ball" song 36 times over a span of 4 hours. The song still gets sung today although there hasn't been much call for cheering until this season again.
  5. Had a peanut shell fight that turned into an all out peanut fight which the bartender kinda got into, but the regular cronies in the corner didn't appreciate... why do they give out free peanuts anyway?
As part of making amends, I offer only a 9 minute version of Dazed and Confused below. Use it well.