thinglets: My Mind on Shopping

Tom Waits - Step Right Up

Step right up. Step right up. Step right up.
Everyone's a winner! Bargains galore!
That's right, you too can be the proud owner of the quality goes in before the name goes on.
One-tenth of a dollar!
One-tenth of a dollar!
We got service after sales.
You need perfume? We got perfume.
How 'bout an engagement ring?
Something for the little lady? Something for the little lady? Something for the little lady, hmm?
Three for a dollar.
We got a year-end clearance. We got a white sale and smoke-damaged furniture.
You can drive it away today.
Act now. Act now and receive as our gift, our gift to you,
They come in all colors. One size fits all.
No muss, no fuss, no spills - you're tired of kitchen drudgery.
Everything must go!
Going out of business! Going out of business! Going out of business sale!
Fifty percent off original retail price; skip the middle man.
Don't settle for less.
How do we do it? How do we do it?
Volume, volume, turn up the volume.
Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate.
Don't be caught with your drawers down. Don't be caught with your drawers down.
You can step right up. Step right up.

That's right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices, never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn.
And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school.
It gets rid of unwanted facial hair.
it gets rid of embarrassing age spots.
It delivers a pizza.
And it lengthens, and it strengthens.
And it finds that slipper that's been at large under the chaise lounge for several weeks.
And it plays a mean Rhythm Master.
It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar.
And it's only a dollar, step right up! It's only a dollar, step right up!
'Cause it forges your signature.
If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product for complete refund of price of purchase.
Step right up.

Please allow thirty days for delivery.
Don't be fooled by cheap imitations.
You can live in it, laugh in it, love in it, swim in it, sleep in it, live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it.
Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets - that's right!
And it entertains visiting relatives.
It turns a sandwich into a banquet.
Tired of being the life of the party?
Change your shorts, change your life, change your life, change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife
And it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax.
Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack, see you later alligator, see you later alligator.
And it steals your car.

It gets rid of your gambling debts. It quits smoking.
It's a friend, and it's a companion, and it's the only product you will ever need.
Follow these easy assembly instructions.
It never needs ironing.
Well it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff, gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job. It is a job!
And it strips the phone company free, take ten for five exchange.
And it gives you denture breath.
And you know it's a friend, and it's a companion.
And it gets rid of your traveler's checks.
It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned.
Well it takes care of business.
Never needs winding, never needs winding, never needs winding.
Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis.
Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy!
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!

'Cause it's effective, it's defective, it creates household odors.
It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection, it gives you an erection, it wins the election.
Why put up with painful corns any longer?
It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation, no salesman will visit your home.
We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot!
Prizes, prizes, prizes!
All work guaranteed.
How do we do it? How do we do it? How do we do it? How do we do it?
We need your business. We're going out of business. We'll give you the business.
Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale.
Receive our free brochure.
Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions - batteries not included.
Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available
Step right up. Step right up. Step right up.

You got it buddy: the large print giveth and the small print taketh away
Step right up. You can step right up. You can step right up. C'mon step right up.
(Get away from me kid, you bother me...)

DyscultureD Episode Eleven: Avast Ye Scurvy Amazonians

Click here for the podcast page or search Dyscultured in iTunes.

Show Notes for Episode Eleven

full dysclosure 
Pownce Pwnd 
MySpace verdict 
Firefox past 20% in browser wars 
Firefox Amazon Plugin to torrent site 
Mozilla Music Player Songbird 
Google Reader Changes

movies
Choice DVD Gifts 

wheel of pop
Children’s Holiday Specials 

websites
aviary.com - powerful online image editing
shoutfactory.com - pop culture revisited 

music
The Barmitzvah Brothers - “Library Page” from the cd - Let’s Express Our Motives: An Album of Under-Appreciated Job Songs

thinglets: 10 Canadian Indie Artists You Should Try Out

Okay... so now that you've all heard of Fiest...

Danny Michel  - Ottawa, ON ... just great songs.

Martin Tielli - Toronto, ON ... check out the seminal Rheostatics as well.

Shad - London, ON ... did you like the Fresh Prince?

Cadence Weapon - Edmonton, ON ... crazy, freaky, e-hop.

Caribou - Dundas, ON ... just plain cool.

Jason Collett - Toronto, ON ... pop without the soda.

Laura Barrett - Toronto, ON ... Robot Ponies with only Kalimba and Vox.

Rob Szabo - Toronto, ON ... a songwriter that makes you smile.

Destroyer - Vancouver, BC ... kind of reminds me of Syd Barrett

Joel Plaskett - Halifax, NS ... I know he's backed by the Emergency... but just Joel's fine too.

thinglets: Soundtrack Shirt

You've gotta give it to ThinkGeek, they come up with some of the most cool concepts in gadgets. How many times have you thought it would be great to have a "walking down the street" song or a Barry White song as you moved across to pick up that special someone at a party. This shirt lets you customize your own personal soundtrack with a remote control that allows you to select the song of the moment... maybe Heat of the Moment. Maybe not High Fidelity, but certainly gives one of your lists a practical output. I'm sure the speaker doesn't have the greatest bass response... on second thought, maybe Barry White isn't the best selection... perhaps the White Stripes?

soundtrack shirt

lovehate: how it ends

It's becoming clearly evident that the older I get, the more willing I am to accept the unusual in the art that I view, listen to, or otherwise consume. Actually, I'm hoping for unusual these days. It's with this view that I revel in the unexpected. From Samuel L. Jackson "biting it" in Deep Blue Sea to the school bus take out in Mean Girls, I almost want to get up and cheer when the truly unique happens. And sure, I'll admit that just going weird for its own sake can come across as contrived, and going persistently weird for its own sake gives you the name of David Lynch.

One of the things I've hated for years was songs that fade out. That artists can persistently allow producers to rob them of the ability to find creative endings to songs is deplorable. I get the fact that being "radio-friendly" demands a no-nonsense way for even the most inattentive DJs to figure out when to start turntable number two, but the fade is quite simply the most uninventive and banal way to finish a song. I'll concede that there may be rare times that a fade can be used as a thematic device, but certainly not on 90% of every song recorded since the 50s. In fact, the first recorded fade was used in "Neptune, part of the orchestral suite, The Planets, by Gustav Holst.  Holst stipulate[d] that the women's choruses [were] "to be placed in an adjoining room, the door of which [was] to be left open until the last bar of the piece, when it [was] to be slowly and silently closed", and that the final bar (scored for choruses alone) [was] to be repeated until the sound [was] lost in the distance." Apparently the thought of the fade didn't cross Holst's mind as a way to provide a smooth segue into the Eye in the Sky traffic report during afternoon drive time.

But there's a strange corollary for every song that I wish could be wrapped up and finished, and for every photograph and painting that has neither beginning nor end, and every television show or series that ends unsatisfyingly derivative. I want the musician to complete the thought, even though the ending may be abrupt or odd. I want the director and screenwriter to complete a vision that suits theirs and not my sensibility. No one questions the painter for taking a slice of life and allowing the viewer to interpret the story before and after. So why does mainstream "art" have to be wrapped up in a neat little packages to be acceptable. Must we demand from our art and entertainment a sense of completion that does away with the snippet of real life that film or television represents?

Beckett explored the the existential reaches of redundancy with Waiting for Godot and is celebrated 50 years later. Joyce completed an esoteric wraparound in Finnegan's Wake with a final sentence that "riverran" flawlessly into the opening sentence. Bob Ezrin contructed Pink Floyd's The Wall with a soft voice that began the disc with "...we came in?" and finished it with "Isn't this where...." The Coen's adaptation of No Country for Old Men had a brilliant understated conclusion that surely pissed some people off, but in its open-ending was more satisfying and thematically-pleasing than any contrivance that might have made for a happy audience.

After all, such neat little wrap-ups are the essence of Shakespearean comedy and children's stories. The evil get screwed, the good get rewarded, the fools get their ass kicked and run away, and the true lovers get married. Beyond this genre, I fail to see why we should have any right to expect any specific ending for a story or a song. The concept of poetic justice has trained our collective media minds to expect the bad to get punished, the good to triumph and all loose ends to be wrapped up - but this is not reflective of life. If art is supposed to be a reflection of life, let's allow for art to include the strange, the bizarre, the unexpected, the flawed and the needlessly tragic. If we can't find beauty in representations of ALL aspects of life, we are shortchanging ourselves some of the greatest stories that can be told... or, more realistically, that can be bankrolled in order to be told.