With the myriad of films released each summer, it takes a discerning formula to parse out the titles I will NEVER see from the ones that I might. As such, I offer up a filtering system to reduce your summer wallet suck to a minimum.
I will not see any summer movie that...
- Has Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, or Jack Black.
- Has Sara Jessica Parker, Renee Zellweger.
- Has people wearing leather armour, chaps, or quivers.
- Has the word Fockers, Karate, or MacGruber in it.
- Has candy-ass sparkle vampires.
- Has the words Nightmare, Elm, and Street.
- Is an animated film featuring a green ogre, an over-sized dog, step-dancing or cheerleading.
- Has a title beginning with "Legend of the Guardians" or ending with "The Owls of Ga'Hoole".
- Has 3D in the title.
- Is a sequel, remake, re-imagining, has a "Part" or colon in the title.
Wow... guess I just saved ALL my money this summer.