lovehatethings

With the myriad of films released each summer, it takes a discerning formula to parse out the titles I will NEVER see from the ones that I might. As such, I offer up a filtering system to reduce your summer wallet suck to a minimum.

I will not see any summer movie that...

1. Has Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, or Jack Black.
2. Has Sara Jessica Parker, Renee Zellweger.
3. Has people wearing leather armour, chaps, or quivers.
4. Has the word Fockers, Karate, or MacGruber in it.
5. Has candy-ass sparkle vampires.
6. Has the words Nightmare, Elm, and Street.
7. Is an animated film featuring a green ogre, an over-sized dog, step-dancing or cheerleading.
8. Has a title beginning with "Legend of the Guardians" or ending with "The Owls of Ga'Hoole".
9. Has 3D in the title.
10. Is a sequel, remake, re-imagining, has a "Part" or colon in the title.

Wow... guess I just saved ALL my money this summer.

1. It cost $237 million US to make, which is bigger than the GDP of nine countries!
2. The Na'vi killed and ate the Ewoks before taking over their planet.
3. Sigourney Weaver doesn't answer to the name Ripley.
4. James Cameron hasn't made a film since Titanic and may blow a gasket when isohunt.com posts a copy a day early.
5. Leonardo DiCaprio ain't the king of this world.
6. Big let down when you find the entire story is just John Connor playing a video game on Skynet.
7. The film could never live up to Cameron's masterpiece Piranha Part Two: The Spawning.
8. If there's not a place for Tom Arnold in a film, I just can't support it.
9. Sam Worthington's in a remake of Clash of the Titans; don't encourage him, or next he may re-imagine Krull.
10. Remember the budget for Waterworld? I'm just sayin'!

A blithe dissertation about the corner I've been painted into by the arrival of a new Star Trek film that is an old Star Trek film... can I look forward to past. Space, the well-trodden frontier. These are... were... and are again the voyages of the Starship Enterprise... again.

Concerning the death of originality in the summer blockbuster movie season, snippets of a life lived in and around hockey and...

by special request...

a special reading of a letter from Linus Torvalds explaining the penguin as the Linux logo as read by... Morgan Freeman!