It's not often that I throw parties; I'm less than the consummate host. That said, when I take the time to send out invites and even create a lame Facebook event page, I have a certain expectation. I go shopping - nothing fancy: pizza, pop, chips, beer, liquor, mix, veggie tray. My plan is to take my digital projector out into the yard and do an outdoor film night. People seem to like it - kinda like a walk-in instead of a drive-in - lawnchairs a-plenty.
So when I look at the Weather Channel and see red flashing chromakey warning of thunderstorms, high winds, and 4cm hail, I start to wonder if my one annual bash has been cursed. I think that maybe I should've gone to church more often... well, even once. I ponder my relationship with Clotho, Lachesis and Antropos and what a wicked web they weave. I desperately search for some dusty 20-sided dice to see if I can make a saving throw against a wet backyard.
In the end, I guess I do what all impending party hosts do in my situation - I sacrifice a chicken in the middle of a pentagram in the laundry room and look up to the sky yelling "KHAN!"
1) Songs attached to a films (especially ones by Disney)
3) Songs not done by bands (U2 is the only band to win Song of the Year since 1986)
4) Female singers
5) Solo male singers over 40 (except John Mayer)
6) Songs under five minutes (the only one longer is We Are The World clocking over 7 minutes, but a sentimental choice)
7) Nothing that couldn't crossover to at least two or three different genre radio stations Perhaps the most tragically-adhered to standard in the above list is song length. Artists buy into this parameter without even thinking anymore. How many young musicians would not even consider a song over six minutes? We're still stuck in a 1903 standard of 78rpm vinyl that did not allow for more than three and half minutes of recording. In 1969, Little Green Apples (3:20) performed by O.C. Smith beat out Hey Jude (7:05) by The Beatles for Song of the Year. And if you think things have changed since the advent of digital downloading, as of this writing the 97 of the top 100 downloaded songs on iTunes are under five minutes, and the three that aren't are live versions of Rush and U2 songs and Hotel California by The Eagles. I want music that's considered too long or too short or too complex or too obscene or too noisy to make it to radio. Commercial radio kills music, and the stark parameters placed by a radio-friendly badge makes me... HATE IT! "I am the entertainer, I come to do my show.
You've heard my latest record, it's been on the radio.
Ah, it took me years to write it, they were the best years of my life.
It was a beautiful song.
But it ran too long.
If you're gonna have a hit, you gotta make it fit-- so they cut it down to 3:05."
Billy Joel - The Entertainer