lovehatethings

A late night rant on governmental impropriety and how the world seems so absurd.

(above) The official flag of the Micronation of Desklandia

How I ripped primetime TV, destroyed US political dreams, and declared my own micronation in 13 minutes. Bring it on world!

What if the US remembered that Canadians burned down the White House in the War of 1812? Would they tear down the 14 Tim Horton's location in NYC in the same way they're opposed to a mosque?

Note: all regular content of me ranting in this podcast is Creative Commons, but I took the unusual step of adding a song at the end. I cannot attest to their views on the issue or inclusion in my rants... deliberations.

If you like the song (it's called The War of 1812 (The White House Burned) by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie) find somewhere to buy it online... I couldn't find a link or I would have provided it here. Here's their website store regardless.

Some snarky observations upon comparing the Top Ten Book lists between Amazon Canada and Amazon US.

• Canadian list topped by a box set of books about soul-sucking vampires. US list is topped by a book authored by a soul-sucking vampire.
• Both countries' readers have a whole lot of faith that Dan Brown has a brilliant storyline left in him.
• Canada balances out US right wing political theory with Malcolm Gladwell.
• Canadian list finished by a box set of books about soul-sucking vampires. US list is finished by a book authored by a soul-sucking vampire.
• Number nine on the Canadian list is a book about "The difficult choices a family must make when a child is diagnosed with a serious disease are explored with pathos and understanding...." Number nine on the US list is about the difficult choices a book buyer must make when an entertainer's demise is exploited by pathos and misunderstanding.
• If Dan Brown is to get to number one on the US list, he must lengthen the title of his book to The Lost Symbol: How I Lost an eBay Auction for the Holy Grail to Mary Magdalene When That Bitch Bid Sniped Me While I Was Staring at the Proofs for the 25 Ambigrams I'm Gonna Get the Publishers to Fork Out Big Bucks For When They Print This Book. Guaranteed number one.
• 7 out of 15 unique titles (that aren't box sets) rely on the overused colon for their titles.
• None of the titles contain the letter "z".
• Only one book contains a vanity self-reference to the author... actually, to the author's common sense.
• Only one book name drops an American Revolutionary in the title (strangely enough not on the Canadian list). I wonder if the devout religious followers of the author know he's inspired by a man who said "I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, by the Roman church, by the Greek church, by the Turkish church, by the Protestant church, nor by any church that I know of. My own mind is my own church."

Top Ten Books at amazon.ca

1. Sookie Stackhouse Boxed Set by Charlaine Harris
2. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer, Annie Barrows
3. The Book Of Negroes by Lawrence Hill
4. The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown
5. Why Your World Is About to Get a Whole Lot Smaller by Jeff Rubin
6. Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell
7. Three Cups Of Tea by Greg Mortenson
8. Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell
9. My Sister's Keeper: A Novel by Jodi Picoult
10. The Twilight Saga Collection by Stephenie Meyer

Top Ten Books at amazon.com

1. Glenn Beck's Common Sense: The Case Against an Out-of-Control Government, Inspired by Thomas Paine by Glenn Beck
2. The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown
3. The Family: The Secret Fundamentalism at the Heart of American Power by Jeff Sharlet
4. Sookie Stackhouse, Books 1-7 by Charlaine Harris
5. The Help by Kathryn Stockett
6. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling
7. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer, Annie Barrows
8. The Shack by William P. Young
9. Unmasked: The Final Years of Michael Jackson by Ian Halperin
10. Liberty and Tyranny: A Conservative Manifesto by Mark R. Levin

While I know that many readers south of the 49th parallel will have no idea what the CRTC is, and probably many Canadians won't either, I've had it with their ridiculous protectionist practices when it comes to primetime television.

I'm an avid television watcher. Some might call me an addict though I can't hear them because I'm watching Big Bang Theory. While many of you in the US are used to having local affiliates broadcast network shows and take advantage of being able to sell and show local ads to garner their revenue, the permissions of the affiliates only extend to their own channel.

The Canadian Radio and Telecommunications Commission employs methodologies that have been prompted by the lobbying efforts of local Canadian stations and cross the line from logical to manipulative and destructive to the medium. In essence, the CRTC mandates that where a Canadian station is showing the same show as a US station that can also be seen by a viewer, the Canadian channel will "take over" the US channel for the entirety of the broadcast.

For example, I cannot watch Lost on WKBW from Buffalo (Cable 9) because at 9pm my local CTV affiliate is showing the same episode and Cable 9 becomes Cable 16 for the entire hour. Essentially, the cable providers have been ordered to redirect feeds to accommodate this protectionist regulation. Why shouldn't I have the right to watch to the show through a US feed if I want to? What harm does it do to CTV but for the chance their advertising will go down... and there's the rub.

Some of you might be thinking "what difference does it make if they're showing the same episode on both channels?" There are a few problems that are not clearly evident unless you are subject to it, but I'll try to illuminate:

1. I should have the right to watch US commercials if I wish. Paying for cable gives me that right. While I admire the fact that the CRTC on one hand restricts the amount of paid ads a station can show each hour, this merely subjects me to the mind-numbing repetition of station promos every commercial break to fill in the gaps.
2. Many primetime episodes from US networks are now tinkering with start/end times. Sometimes an episode runs for an extra one or two minutes (usually where a cliffhanger happens). Canadian stations don't only broadcast shows from one US network; they mix and match. If the 63 minutes broadcast of Fringe ends at 10:03 on Fox, but on Global Canada they've got an episode of Lipstick Jungle set to start at 10:00, the feed will often jump to the new show before the previous one fninished - ON BOTH CHANNELS. That means that even if I was watching Global, saw the switch, frantically switched to FOX, I'd still be watching the beginning of Lipstick Jungle instead of the end of Fringe.
3. During a big television event (read: Superbowl, Oscars, etc.) US networks often debut new ad campaigns with high-end commercials that we will never get to see. I know that some of you can't understand the allure of seeing a new commercial, but trust me, it far beats seeing another promo for Corner Gas during the two minute warning of the big game.
4. The Canadian uptake on HDTV has been very well implemented in some cases but annoying faulty in others. In watching the CTV-HD feed of the NFL yesterday the HD dropped out at least a dozen times down to SD for half a minute or more.

When I emailed the CRTC with this complaint earlier this year, they claimed Canadians wanted it this way and it was the law. First, if Canadians wanted to watch Canadian feeds, they could still do so. Second, laws evolve and are prone to change when people realize how wrong they are.

The CRTC has a place. The CRTC has a purpose. Its place should not be on a US channel that I pay for. Its purpose should be to offer me choice, not restrict it. If you're Canadian, go to the CRTC website, register a complaint and see how little they're willing to even discuss remedy. If you're American, be happy we don't spend billions of dollars each year on television programming, because if you wanted to watch our stuff, your government would probably be lobbied to do the same thing.

Okay, first off, "Badges? We don't need no steenking badges!"

Seriously, congrats to the boy/man who's 18 now, but that's not the point. One might as well be dedicated to something. I never was a scout or a cadet or anything that required formations. If I could get a merit badge for blogging, maybe I'd also stitch it to a sash. My concerns lie more in some of the 121 subjects that these badges are based on.

• American Business (updated in 2003) - Already obsolete. See "recession" or go back to pamphlets from the early 1930's.
• Aviation (initiated 1911) - read: How to drum up pilots to fight the Kaiser.
• Basketry - really!?!
• Cinematography - And so we find what all those Steven Spielberg donations were really all about before he resigned in 2001.
• Collections - I guess it's deconstructionist to just claim one is collecting badges.
• Computers - That this was initiated in 1967 is a bit scary... Boy Scouts or Bilderberg!?!
• Fingerprinting - what was the motto again, To Serve and Protect?
• Golf - What!?! ...is that a Titleist?
• Graphic Arts - Teaching Scouts to Photoshop their first crush's face onto celebrity bodies.
• Indian Lore - I'm sure the folks in New Delhi will be thrilled.
• Journalism - Not a bad idea, but I'm at a loss as to who might be qualified to teach journalism these days.
• Mammal Study - read: Sex Ed.
• Motorboating - Getting ready for your future in the Hamptons.
• Railroading - Am I just cynical or isn't this the same as American Business?
• Rifle Shooting AND Shotgun Shooting - Two different badges. I suppose if you're bad enough at Rifle Shooting they just give you a Shotgun to spray your prey into tenderized little bits.
• Stamp Collecting - Soon to become Domain Squatting.

Like I said, I applaud the young man for enduring what must have been some torturous endeavors to attain all 121 badges. I'm curious as to whether, under the multiple Citizenship badges, Scouts are required to learn tolerance for sexual orientation as well considering the leadership fought like hell to remove Scoutmasters for being gay in 2000.

Then again the Scout Oath calls for all Scouts to be "morally straight".