1) Songs attached to a films (especially ones by Disney)
3) Songs not done by bands (U2 is the only band to win Song of the Year since 1986)
4) Female singers
5) Solo male singers over 40 (except John Mayer)
6) Songs under five minutes (the only one longer is We Are The World clocking over 7 minutes, but a sentimental choice)
7) Nothing that couldn't crossover to at least two or three different genre radio stations Perhaps the most tragically-adhered to standard in the above list is song length. Artists buy into this parameter without even thinking anymore. How many young musicians would not even consider a song over six minutes? We're still stuck in a 1903 standard of 78rpm vinyl that did not allow for more than three and half minutes of recording. In 1969, Little Green Apples (3:20) performed by O.C. Smith beat out Hey Jude (7:05) by The Beatles for Song of the Year. And if you think things have changed since the advent of digital downloading, as of this writing the 97 of the top 100 downloaded songs on iTunes are under five minutes, and the three that aren't are live versions of Rush and U2 songs and Hotel California by The Eagles. I want music that's considered too long or too short or too complex or too obscene or too noisy to make it to radio. Commercial radio kills music, and the stark parameters placed by a radio-friendly badge makes me... HATE IT! "I am the entertainer, I come to do my show.
You've heard my latest record, it's been on the radio.
Ah, it took me years to write it, they were the best years of my life.
It was a beautiful song.
But it ran too long.
If you're gonna have a hit, you gotta make it fit-- so they cut it down to 3:05."
Billy Joel - The Entertainer
Having lost more money, eaten more buffet food, cursed more expletives, taken every god's (and even a few goddesses) names in vain, my first comped Escalade limo rides to and from the airport (see below), walked up and down the Strip in heat that is only suitable for fallen angels, seen thousands of octogenarians "become one" with a slot machine (not often a pretty sight), wanted to hit a dozen twenty-something guys for standing on 12 when the dealer was showing a face card because their "expert" buddy told them they could bust if they take a card, aghast (yet often transfixed) on what passes as a "clubbing" dress for twenty-something women these days, felt pitied for my luck by several dealers and looked at with a "you stupid bastard - take the rest of your money and go to bed" look by others, been awoken by a fire alarm in my Strip hotel at 7:30am (after getting to bed at 5:00am) only to have it sporadically go off another dozen or so times over the next two hours, each time prompting me to scan the Nevada skyline for a mushroom cloud that may indicated re-instated atomic testing or expecting to hear "DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!" in U-boat fashion, and, finally, sat on a discount airline across from a screaming baby for 4.5 hours while trying to find 11 on my Nano's volume setting, I am still unsure about whether to love or hate Las Vegas.
I will try to refine my opinion after my visit in December.
* please don't think that a comped room and limo indicates that I'm a high roller of any sort. They seem to get more of my money every time and I believe my official status in their eyes has moved from "low-roller" to "not-so-low-roller".