thinglets: Ripping on a Gift Suggestion List

Beatcrave has put out a gift suggestion list for music lovers. As a music lover (and musician), I feel it is my duty to inform people of the efficacy of such a list in such a way as only lovehatethings can do. Remember, I'm not ripping the thing itself, but, instead, the suggestion that it would make a good gift. The list can be found in full here.

12) iTunes Gift Card - Yay! DRM-laden songs for the Holidays - HATE

11) iPods and Accessories - How creative! If you know the type of iPod the person wants, great. Otherwise don't guess... oh, and a $4 neoprene skin for a Shuffle is not a good gift - HATE

10) "I Listen to Bands that Don't Even Exist Yet" T-shirt - alright... a bit cliche but pretty good - LOVE

9) iRacer Surround Chair - at $399 in baby blue... LAAAAAME - HATE

8) Music Posters - cop out - HATE

7) Ticket Stub Diary - too close to scrapbooking - HATE

6) Beats by Dr. Dre In Ear Headphones by Monster - as anything made by Monster, EXPENSIVE... $150 for earbuds that will be left on the bus - HATE

5) Books on Music - you know what? There are some great books on music and musicians out there, but to assume you know someone enough to ask them to commit countless hours reading about someone they might not really like - HATE

4) Sufjan Steven's Xmas Songs Boxset - Is the recipient a fan? Then LOVE. Do they even know who Stevens is? Mostly... - HATE

3) Internet Radio Clock - Okay... pretty cool... I dig it! - LOVE

2) USB Turntable - I'll assume the recipient has a bunch of LPs - LOVE

1) 35 Year Collection of Top 40 Vinyl Singles - 18,400 records in total at $275,000. Wicked cool! - BILLIONAIRE LOVE!

18400 records

thinglets: The Sadder Songs of the Holidays

Christmas in the Trenches - John McCutcheon

River - Joni Mitchell

Brick - Ben Folds

Hallelujah - Leonard Cohen (Jeff Buckey's Version)

A Christmas Song - Jethro Tull

Someday At Christmas - Stevie Wonder

Christmas Sucks - Porn Orchard (impersonating Peter Murphy and Tom Waits)

thinglets: Amazonian Horrorshow

The TimesOnline in the UK has reported some practices of our beloved behemoth of online sales: Amazon. Apparently leading the charge in terms of web commercialism comes at the cost of human and workers' rights. And this is not in a developing country, but in England:

a) refusing to allow workers sick leave (six days sick leads to dismissal)

b) a compulsory 10.5 shift at the end of every work week

c) workers must hit 140 packages an hour to reach quota no matter the size

d) bonuses to workers over quota that come from workers who don't make quota

e) walking up to 14 miles/shift in the packing warehouse

f) one fifteen and one twenty minute break per 8 hour shift

"A spokesman for Amazon said anyone not willing to work “many hours” should not accept a job with the company. He confirmed workers would be penalised for being sick."


thinglets: My Mind on Shopping

Tom Waits - Step Right Up

Step right up. Step right up. Step right up.
Everyone's a winner! Bargains galore!
That's right, you too can be the proud owner of the quality goes in before the name goes on.
One-tenth of a dollar!
One-tenth of a dollar!
We got service after sales.
You need perfume? We got perfume.
How 'bout an engagement ring?
Something for the little lady? Something for the little lady? Something for the little lady, hmm?
Three for a dollar.
We got a year-end clearance. We got a white sale and smoke-damaged furniture.
You can drive it away today.
Act now. Act now and receive as our gift, our gift to you,
They come in all colors. One size fits all.
No muss, no fuss, no spills - you're tired of kitchen drudgery.
Everything must go!
Going out of business! Going out of business! Going out of business sale!
Fifty percent off original retail price; skip the middle man.
Don't settle for less.
How do we do it? How do we do it?
Volume, volume, turn up the volume.
Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate.
Don't be caught with your drawers down. Don't be caught with your drawers down.
You can step right up. Step right up.

That's right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices, never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn.
And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school.
It gets rid of unwanted facial hair.
it gets rid of embarrassing age spots.
It delivers a pizza.
And it lengthens, and it strengthens.
And it finds that slipper that's been at large under the chaise lounge for several weeks.
And it plays a mean Rhythm Master.
It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar.
And it's only a dollar, step right up! It's only a dollar, step right up!
'Cause it forges your signature.
If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product for complete refund of price of purchase.
Step right up.

Please allow thirty days for delivery.
Don't be fooled by cheap imitations.
You can live in it, laugh in it, love in it, swim in it, sleep in it, live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it.
Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets - that's right!
And it entertains visiting relatives.
It turns a sandwich into a banquet.
Tired of being the life of the party?
Change your shorts, change your life, change your life, change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife
And it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax.
Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack, see you later alligator, see you later alligator.
And it steals your car.

It gets rid of your gambling debts. It quits smoking.
It's a friend, and it's a companion, and it's the only product you will ever need.
Follow these easy assembly instructions.
It never needs ironing.
Well it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff, gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job. It is a job!
And it strips the phone company free, take ten for five exchange.
And it gives you denture breath.
And you know it's a friend, and it's a companion.
And it gets rid of your traveler's checks.
It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned.
Well it takes care of business.
Never needs winding, never needs winding, never needs winding.
Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis.
Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy!
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!

'Cause it's effective, it's defective, it creates household odors.
It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection, it gives you an erection, it wins the election.
Why put up with painful corns any longer?
It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation, no salesman will visit your home.
We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot!
Prizes, prizes, prizes!
All work guaranteed.
How do we do it? How do we do it? How do we do it? How do we do it?
We need your business. We're going out of business. We'll give you the business.
Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale.
Receive our free brochure.
Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions - batteries not included.
Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available
Step right up. Step right up. Step right up.

You got it buddy: the large print giveth and the small print taketh away
Step right up. You can step right up. You can step right up. C'mon step right up.
(Get away from me kid, you bother me...)

thinglets: Tanzania's Albino Genocide

It's alright to do a double take when reading this title... I thought I might be reading an article from the Onion, but at least one editor in Tanzania is convinced of the country's moral decay:

"At the moment, we are witnessed unparalleled killings of albinos. Strange enough, rather than seeing concrete action being taken to stem the tide, almost everybody from top down is complaining about the killings, but no political will has been manifested towards actively protecting the albinos."

Apparently albino skin is used by "witch doctors" in ritual medicine.

I born, raised and bred in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada and I don't pretend to know ANYTHING about Tanzania. I present this more for its seemingly surreal nature in addition to what I'm sure are tragic events for the families involved. When I think about the juxtaposition between North American auto bailouts and government changes compared to albino hunting... I'm at a loss!

You can't invent this stuff - whaddup Earth?


thinglets: free socks

At first I thought it was a Social Justice pamphlet to free Johnny "Socks" McNiven from his unjust incarceration for illegal turtle fighting and solicitation for the purposes of shell games. I was shocked to find that apparently men's clothing stores are so far beyond the current market crunch that they're just giving stuff away... now I don't know what I'm gonna do with my closet full of "Free Socks" protest signs. What kind of bothers me is the word NEW is nowhere to be found.

free socks

thinglets: Crazy Robot Sex Doll

Okay, I wish I could claim this was just a wacky title to gain viewers, but alas, my motives are pure. Maybe not so much for this guy or his brother.

"But underneath her wispy auburn hair and peaches and cream complexion is an anatomically correct silicone fembot, easily modified for any number of uses."

What can I say? When winter comes in Canada, some look for comforts wherever they can find them. Domo Arigato Ms. Roboto.

Ms. Roboto