lovehatethings

For many years, growing up, the week between Xmas and New Year's was simply a week to exhaust every minute of playing time with every new toy I'd received and do my best to avoid wearing any of the new clothes until they were incorporated into my wardrobe when school restarted.

As I got older, the week became an opportunity to hang out with friends, maybe indulge in a few beverages, and count down the days until the real world would descend upon us once again. This also became the time that I developed an affectation for college bowl games where I had no history, no idea, or no stake in the teams, but I simply appreciated the fact there was a game that seemed to mean something on every night. I have since learned that games like the "San Diego County Credit Union Bowl" probably don't mean anything at all except to the teams, their fans, and the execs of the San Diego County Credit Union. This is also the time I learned to appreciate a uniquely Canadian pastime of watching the early round games World Junior Hockey Championships in what was usually some remote Finnish city spelled with six Ks, 14 Ms, and the occasional I or E thrown in for good measure.

As I moved into the phase of my life where pop culture and media became omnipresent in all non-working moments, I came to a new understanding of what this week meant for media outlets: "The Top Ten Best of Worst of Most Interesting Fill in the Blanks of the Year"

So as we move into the Week of Lists, I turn to my new favorite medium, the web, to provide me with further validation for dubbing this week with such a moniker.

The venerable Time magazine has deemed GasBuddy as a best "Advice and Facts" website of the year. While some may think the address leads to a fetish site for flatulence, the page actually allows you to track where the cheapest gasoline prices are across the United States. I can already tell, by using the site, that the next time I fill up, I should drive to Texas. What I really want to know is how "groundbreaking" are they considering themselves with their 10 Essential Websites: Wikipedia, Yahoo Finance, Craigslist, ESPN, Yelp, Facebook, Digg, Google, TMZ and Flickr? Do we really need a list like this? The only site on this list that may even remotely be a stretch of knowledge to people living outside a large urban area is Yelp, and, in many cases, even if they went there, they might not find much local information anyway.

Time's Top Gadget is the Peek Email Browser that's only $99, but has a $20/month fee to do nothing but email. Here's an idea. Take the $240 you'll spend on the Peek subscription next year and buy an iPod Touch that'll let you do email anywhere there's Wi-Fi.

Amazon's Book of the Year is The Northern Clemency by Philip Hensher. Other than sounding like a Robert Ludlum title gone wrong, I can't say I know anything about this book, and, as it possibly may be the next American classic, maybe I should find out... hmmm... "The Northern Clemency begins at the perimeter of a late-summer party, amidst a din of neighbors gossiping one moment and navigating awkward silences the next. But once you encounter the Glover family--in particular, their languidly handsome teenage son Daniel--there's no turning back." Hell, if there's no turning back, I'd better not begin. I'm not too keen on reading about the "languidly handsome". Apparently neither is the Library Journal who's list contained a couple of dozen books with Hensher's nowhere to be found.

Lifehacker has taken the "Best of" list to its deconstructionist next step with The Most Popular Top Ten Lists of 2008 that have to do with all things Life2.0. Of course, for some reason, they chose 20 Top Ten Lists... and that just doesn't jive with my Top Ten sensibilities. I do, however, heartily recommend the Top Ten Conversation Hacks from August. It is rich with ways to feign interest and blow people off.

Last.fm has declared MGMT as their artist of the year based on user "scrobbles" and their number one album is Coldplay's Viva La Vida. NME names MGMT's Oracular Spectacular as the best CD. Amazon's 2008 album is Only by the Night from Kings of Leon. Blender and New York Magazine pimp L'il Wayne's Tha Carter Ill. The LA Times, the NY Times, The Onion and Rolling Stone pump Dear Science by TV On The Radio. And Fleet Foxes self-titled release takes number one from Mojo, Pitchfork and Under the Rader.

But my 2008 number one for useless lists goes to People magazine. And so, put on your helmets for some of the most useless, subjective choices of irrelevant celebrity topics (because celebrities really are people too):

• Most Talked About Star: Britney Spears
• Most Intriguing Hookup: John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston
• Couple Most Likely to make it to 2018: Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner
• Best Baby Style: Kingston Rossdale (for those who care, Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani's kid ((for those who really care, Gavin Rossdale used to be popular as an emo singer in the band Bush)))
• Best Body After Baby: Halle Barry
  
• Best Boyfriend: Jake Gyllenhaal
• Best Chest: Mario Lopez
• Best Bikini Body: Jessica Alba
• Best Celeb Smackdown: Charlie (Sheen) v. Denise (Richards)
• Best Baby Name: Harlow Winter Kate Madden (Nicole Ritchie's kid)
• Funniest Celeb on the Web: Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon

I feel dirty.

Happy Week of Lists all! Hopefully we can all share in each other's pain as we endure the memories and suppositions of pop culture pundits for the next week until life begins anew in 2009. Until then, go rent WALL-E and catch up on Dexter and Doctor Who. You won't be sorry.

Inspired by the new multiple blog updates, and the fact that I've wanted to share some of my fav tunes on posterous for a long while, but didn't want to screw up my iTunes podcast feed, I've created lovehatetunes.

The idea is that every song posted will be tied to a feeling, emotion, or circumstance. Today's effort, amidst all the xmas cheer, is a selection to bring your partying back down to earth in the cynicism that so befits my normal countenance.

From weirdresources.com, 30 creative print ads for the holidays. I know that I can't get to sleep on the 25th if I don't feel my corporate pushers aren't sending warm consumer vibes my way. And for all of my contempt and cynicism I direct towards some companies throughout the year, kudos to artists and designers who have the thankless tasks of trying to make brand names and logos seem human.

I never wanted to be the type of blogger who participated in the "lifecasting" movement, so, suffice to say, I will not be posting my entire itinerary of the last four nights in Las Vegas. I will say this much before I collapse from sleep deprivation for a long winter's nap. If, up on the house, there arises "such a clatter", and that clatter is loud enough to wake me, I'm going to the nearest Phoenix, Arizona, US of A Circle K convenience mart, buy a shotgun and teflon shredders, and go reindeer hunting. And that fat bastard better not be anywhere in sight, because red stands out anywhere. Napoleon thought that wearing it in battle would disguise his wounds. Maybe he could have avoided wounds if he didn't stand out like a bull's-eye on every muddy Euro-battlefield.

I will sum up Las Vegas as follows:

1. The city should not be that cold, but they should learn that four inches of snow is a dusting, not life-changing.
2. Low-limit poker is frustrating, but at least the players are fun.
3. I was Blackjack's bitch... I said Vegas, not San Quentin you filthy-minded holiday readers.
4. I will start playing more PaiGow.
5. The full impact of four nights of 17 hours of combined sleep could be summed up by a researcher as follows: "The person deprived of sleep will find it difficult to concentrate. This will affect his performance at work and at household tasks. The person will also experience a lack of energy. He might not have the energy to complete everything he has to do during the day. The sleep-deprived person is likely to be quite irritable. This irritability is likely to damage personal and business relationships."

Okay, so we've all heard about the White House's bowling alley and, if not, now you know. Suffice to say that there's been talk of removing the bowling alley altogether under an Obama presidency. To this news, Jim Sturm, President of the Bowling Proprietor's Association of America claims:

"It would be a sad, sad day" if Mr. Obama scrapped the bowling lane... I think his political analysts ought to take a long look at removing [it]. It could have a long-term impact on his political prospects."

Really!?! Can you believe the size of the three-holed balls on the Sturm to think that he can strike at Obama's presidency and topple his political future? People are losing their houses all over the country and there's talk of retrofitting a bowling alley? Here's an idea Sturm, take the retrofit money and make someone's mortgage payments. That alley looks better than 90% of the recrooms in America anyway... well in Austin Powers' vision of America.

Then again, I'm Canadian... if they tried to take the hockey rink from under 24 Sussex Drive, I might be pissed off too.

The WEB is my shepherd; I shall not doubt.
It maketh me to dive into vast communities: it leadeth me to confide my thoughts.
It restoreth my soul: it leadeth me in the paths of hypertext for the clean code.
Yea, though I surf through the torrents and flashes with spyware, I will fear no evil: your apps are with me; the scan and the quarantine comfort me.
Thou preparest a browser before me to learn of the faceless: thou anointest my mind with wiki; my apprehension becomes understanding; 
Surely CPUs and broadband will follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell with the Web and the Network for ever.

- The Word of Baud

While some of you may be railing in sacriligious overtones of blasphemy and heresy, surely many of you must realize that the Web has become the one of the largest churches in the world. Hundreds of millions of us attend every day to read the good words of the preachers and prophets and skeptics and soothsayers all contributing to the word of Baud.

Baudhism's followers as of June 2008 total 1.46 billion people. While still behind the 1.9 billion Christians in the world, this easily overtakes all other major religions. I understand that most you are thinking that there is no way the Web could be considered a religion. I ask you to consider the following definition of religion from wikipedia.org:

"A religion is a of way of life based on tenets (or a belief system) about the ultimate power. It is generally expressed through conducts such as prayers, rituals, or other practices, often centered upon specific supernatural and moral claims about reality (the cosmos, and human nature) which may yield a set of religious laws. Religion also encompasses ancestral or cultural traditions, writings, history, and mythology, as well as personal faith and religious experience."

The Web is a way of life for many people. It helps to define their existence. It facilitates communication. It sets the boundaries for what's considered sacred and profane within its own parameters. It provides, challenges, and allows for diverse beliefs all in one system. It accepts differences while galvanizing them all in two common frameworks: Web - the word, and Web2.0 - beyond the word. Such frameworks are subservient to the ultimate power: Network - which is, beyond the servers and the cable, the minds which make it up.

The beliefs are expressed through rituals and practices that gather up flocks by interest or history or geography. We script, we blog, we message, we update, we tweet, we read the good word of other people, we interpret and we believe. It seeks to explain the unexplainable. It seeks to define good and evil. It encourages creativity. It has zealots to be sure, but is fully accepting of those who just visit from time to time to make their contributions.

The Web defines us by defining our times and by seeking to redefine history. The winners may have written the history books, but the losers now have a voice of their own and a worldwide audience.

Lastly, people have faith in the web. That Wikipedia is taken as gospel and social networks have usurped traditional places of worship happened in no small part due to people believing in the general good of the Network.

It is said of religion that one only gets out of it what they're willing to put in. Such is the same with the Web. Our most passioned advocates are those acolytes who devote their lives to serving the Network to make the Web better. For them there is no greater reward than the work itself. I'm sure that less than a century ago, people would have considered it god-like for one person's thoughts to reach almost everyone in the world within seconds. And the Web makes this possible.

Baudhism does not disavow anyone for adhering to another belief system based on traditional mysticism. Baudhism embraces diversity, tolerance, individuality, creativity and participation. The Network shall allow access and allow inclusion, but not ensure popularity or status. As any religion, the Web can be used as a tool for such things, but these are not the ends of the Web in itself.

Embrace Baudhism. Identify yourself as a Baudhist on your next census. Celebrate holidays of any denomination because they allow people to stay home and spend more time with Web. Send greetings, send mail, chat, upload, download, interact. Become part of the trinity:

You belong to the Web.
The Web belongs to the Network. 
The Network belongs to you.

Beatcrave has put out a gift suggestion list for music lovers. As a music lover (and musician), I feel it is my duty to inform people of the efficacy of such a list in such a way as only lovehatethings can do. Remember, I'm not ripping the thing itself, but, instead, the suggestion that it would make a good gift. The list can be found in full here.

12) iTunes Gift Card - Yay! DRM-laden songs for the Holidays - HATE

11) iPods and Accessories - How creative! If you know the type of iPod the person wants, great. Otherwise don't guess... oh, and a $4 neoprene skin for a Shuffle is not a good gift - HATE

10) "I Listen to Bands that Don't Even Exist Yet" T-shirt - alright... a bit cliche but pretty good - LOVE

9) iRacer Surround Chair - at $399 in baby blue... LAAAAAME - HATE

8) Music Posters - cop out - HATE

7) Ticket Stub Diary - too close to scrapbooking - HATE

6) Beats by Dr. Dre In Ear Headphones by Monster - as anything made by Monster, EXPENSIVE... $150 for earbuds that will be left on the bus - HATE

5) Books on Music - you know what? There are some great books on music and musicians out there, but to assume you know someone enough to ask them to commit countless hours reading about someone they might not really like - HATE

4) Sufjan Steven's Xmas Songs Boxset - Is the recipient a fan? Then LOVE. Do they even know who Stevens is? Mostly... - HATE

3) Internet Radio Clock - Okay... pretty cool... I dig it! - LOVE

2) USB Turntable - I'll assume the recipient has a bunch of LPs - LOVE

1) 35 Year Collection of Top 40 Vinyl Singles - 18,400 records in total at $275,000. Wicked cool! - BILLIONAIRE LOVE!

Rumor has it that the Sky has been preparing for something big. Apparently this Friday it plans on releasing trillions of Snowflakes 2.0  across the continent. While not much is known about the upgraded features of the Snowflake 2.0, rumors have been running rampant.

Some of the most popular assertions from Digg.com and CNET are that the Snowflake will have a USB3.0 port and be an effective multimedia manager. Others say the new device contains a clever ergonomic interface that will make it almost slippery to the touch. Still others say that it will just be a fad and melt away as the holidays go by.

Stay tuned for updates!