On the Olympics, daytime television schadenfreude, Krinkles the F'ed Up Clown, printing a spleen and a satirical condemnation of ACTA.
I used to eat cereal for breakfast every morning and, as many children, built cereal box forts. I read ingredients, stared at prize offers, blankly unfocused my eyes in reveling at corporate mascots. And for all the staring I did at some pretty crazy looking creatures, the Post's Sugar Krinkles Sugar Coated Rice Clown scares the hell out of me even today. (Notice how they got "sugar" in their twice!)
Like the bastard child molestor son of Pagliacci and that creepy rodeo clown that you saw picking through the garbage under the bleachers when you were five, this freak (I'm guessing his name is Krinkles) has eyes that don't only stare through children's souls, but probably also try to catch a glimpse under the table every once in a while.
Is it possible that in the 1950s, a time that people consider the Golden Age of Americana, someone couldn't see this freak for what he really is?
And somehow, it's not as creepy as this...
My two word review of the Fall TV Hit Glee, plus freaky-ass cereal mascots, how Patrick Swayze cost me my job, and how Tom Waits song titles become poetry.
(In no specific order - thanks to Topher's Cereal Character Guide for pics and info)
The Lucky Charms Leprechaun
Not because he looked any freakier than any other leprechaun, but more the pervy way he was after MY Lucky Charms all the time.
Frankenberry
Okay, all the Monster Cereals by General Mills were infinitely cool and hold a nostalgic place in my memory. I even set up a Facebook page in their honor. And while they were all creepy, Frankenberry was the most freaky. Frankenstein's monster had nothing on the pink, doughy-looking, metamorphosis that was Frankenberry.
Sir Grapefellow and Baron Von Redberry
Let's celebrate WWI flying aces with crazy fruit cereal. If I don't like the cereal, will they be strafing my front lawn?
Crazy Cow
This bi-polar buck-toothed freakshow would turn your milk chocolate or strawberry depending on which side it/they were facing - Sybil anyone?
Colonel Corn Burst and Hattie the Alligator
What demented mind put this pair together? You've got a crudely-drawn alligator that's about to turn its head and swallow a microscopic adventurer. Either of these characters would be freaky enough in their own right. Together they're a total "corny" burst.
Cheeri O'Leary and Joe Idea
A demented beauty pageant tart and a boy who looks like he's got a John Merrick thing going on... yeah, that'll sell me Cheerios!
Mr. Wonderfull
From Mr. Wonderfull's Surprize Cereal, not only did he preach the doctrine of incorrect spelling, but here's a perv that needs be put into a registry before he moves into your neighborhood.
Magic Hat
Cool beer. Psychotropic-induced cereal character. Don't take the brown acid folks.
As crazy as most cereal boxes are when they introduce characters and mascots, sometimes the non-traditional juxtapositions make for the nuttiest futuristic things you never thought you'd see as part of your cereal box fort.
1) Spock Sugar Smacks
2) C-3POs
3) PEP - The Solar Cereal
4) Quisp
5) E.T.
and as an added bonus... which isn't really sci-fi, but I imagine could get you high!
Get your pop culture retro fix on with the Cap'n, the Count, Frankenberry and Mr.T.
And as a special bonus a rare episode of the Sugar Bear cartoon before cereals were afraid to put "sugar" in their names.