lovehate: Olympic Mascots

I don't quite know what to say.

The traditional concept of a mascot is to be representative of a team or organization. Above all, there is usually something identifiable. Whether it be an animal or mythological figure or paper clip that invades the top of my screen and asks inane questions whenever I cannot figure out how to execute a rarely used function in MS Word... DAMN YOU CLIPPY!

So then how have the mascot for recent Olympic Games become such twisted anime mutations that they make me question how in the hell a creative team found these creatures acceptable much less endearing. I have not done any research into what the mascots are actually supposed to be, thus giving myself a pure guess at the genesis of the creatures.

Here are my deconstructions of the Vancouver 2010 mascots:

Sumi is some sort of crazy mutant BearOwl wearing a Rollerball helmet with three Antichrist horns. His/Her eyes are set apart so far as to wonder how it sees forward. (Such a design decision is part of all of the 2010 mascots) Sumi also wears some kind of jersey/poncho in a funky Dark Green, Lime Green, Orange combination that is a worse look than the Vancouver Canucks mistaken jersey of the 80s. Overall, Sumi is a butchered bastard child of gene grafting.

I'm guessing Quatchi is a Sasquatch, and considering that the creature I'm most sure of is an urban legend, you can tell how far over the cliff we've gone here. Coming fully-equipped with Sky Blue earmuffs and crazy ink of the Olympic logos, for some reason he/she is also wearing boots which make Quatchi fairly civilized considering the wild origins of such creatures. Badly in need of a haircut, Quatchi also suffers from lack of elbows and bowed arms.

Miga is either a cat, panda or skunk, or all three together. Equipped with a scarf and all dolled-up with rouge, Miga looks like she/he's the one to be caught out on the town with a foreign athlete. Decked out in a green scarf suitable for S&M choke play, Miga looks most probable to win the most outstanding supporting mascot in an anime style. Not sure what the crazy Alfalfa cowlick is supposed to represent, but I'm guessing it comes in useful when the Sumi, Quatchi, Miga three way gets going underneath the bleachers pre-opening ceremonies... all I can say is that, if Miga is walking funny during the torch lighting, my views will be justified.

I think that during the preparation for the next Olympics, the world should demand real mascots that represent actual creatures. Maybe we should bring back Spuds Mackenzie and just have the IOC admit that the entire event is really about shilling products and selling television contracts.

Brought to you by the Official Blog of the Vancouver Games...

thinglets: how I lost my sleep in Vegas

I never wanted to be the type of blogger who participated in the "lifecasting" movement, so, suffice to say, I will not be posting my entire itinerary of the last four nights in Las Vegas. I will say this much before I collapse from sleep deprivation for a long winter's nap. If, up on the house, there arises "such a clatter", and that clatter is loud enough to wake me, I'm going to the nearest Phoenix, Arizona, US of A Circle K convenience mart, buy a shotgun and teflon shredders, and go reindeer hunting. And that fat bastard better not be anywhere in sight, because red stands out anywhere. Napoleon thought that wearing it in battle would disguise his wounds. Maybe he could have avoided wounds if he didn't stand out like a bull's-eye on every muddy Euro-battlefield.

I will sum up Las Vegas as follows:

  1. The city should not be that cold, but they should learn that four inches of snow is a dusting, not life-changing.
  2. Low-limit poker is frustrating, but at least the players are fun.
  3. I was Blackjack's bitch... I said Vegas, not San Quentin you filthy-minded holiday readers.
  4. I will start playing more PaiGow.
  5. The full impact of four nights of 17 hours of combined sleep could be summed up by a researcher as follows: "The person deprived of sleep will find it difficult to concentrate. This will affect his performance at work and at household tasks. The person will also experience a lack of energy. He might not have the energy to complete everything he has to do during the day. The sleep-deprived person is likely to be quite irritable. This irritability is likely to damage personal and business relationships."
What do they know? Stupid morons! They can all kiss my ass!

Oh... and Merry Christmas (or Festivus) to all and to all a good night!

Santa Target