From today's actual news: "London 2012: Missiles may be placed at residential flats." I guess it got me kind of pissed off.
Why I don't care about the Superbowl or most sporting events, and what I would do if I did.
Finding happiness in the seemingly insignificant.
Some ruminating on the Bowl that is Super, the Buzz that is Google, the Olymps that are Ick, and what's Better than Better.
Since the NFL threatens to sue anyone who uses the name "Superbowl" outside of reporting on it as news, I've decided to give some alternate monikers for people looking to spice up their local events or eatery promotions:
The Big Game
The Recroom Drunkfest
The Prop Bet Gambler's Paradise
The Poolie's Delight
The Game That's Rarely Good
The Media Blitz
The Super Bowel
The Hope-I-Die-Before-The-Who-Plays-The... forget it.
The Vegetative State Extravaganza
The Six Hour Build Up To A Coin Flip
The Excuse to Party
The Not-Good-Enough-Of-A-Reason-To-Bump-The-Simpsons Bowl
The Overpaid Immature Mutant Game
The Not-Yet-Ready-For-Prime-Time Bowl
The I-Waited-Two-Weeks-For-This? Bowl
The CarQuest International House of Pancakes Geico Bowl
The Beer Commercial Bowl
The Oh-Look-There's-Counter-Programming-Figure-Skating-On Bowl
The Smoka Bowl
The I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Better Bowl
The Hey-Look-At-That-Commercial-While-I-Steal-The-Last-Piece-Of-Pizza Bowl
The Are-Those-Really-Bits-and-Bites-I-Haven't-Seen-Those-For-Years Bowl
The Bathroom-Is-Off-Limits-For-10-Minutes Bowl
The I'll-Cheer-For-The-Opposite-Team-Of-Everyone-Else-In-The-Room-To-Be-Different-And-Controversial Bowl
The Why-Do-I-Have-To-Watch-Promos-For-Canadian-TV-Shows-And-Miss-The-Commercial-Memes-That-Will-Be-The-Talk-Of-The-Internet-For-The-Next-24-Hours-Thanks-To-The-CRTC Bowl
If you want me to watch the Winter Olympics (other than hockey that is), the IOC [International Olympic Corruptco] needs to revamp some of the events to make them more interesting to me. I know that some may argue my modifications may be "guy" things, but ultimately I just need to know there's a reason why I shouldn't be watching reruns of governments committee debates instead.
If I'm gonna watch your Olympic thingy, please tag on the following changes:
Ski Jumping... over fire.
Downhill Skiing... in front of an avalanche.
Ice Hockey...okay! You can leave this one alone.
Speed Skating... full contact.
Biathlon... targets include other racers.
Freestyle Skiing... nude.
Luge... with random, intermittent obstacles.
Figure Skating... with trap doors leading to lion pits.
Curling... exploding rocks.
Snowboard...all at the same time.
Cross Country Skiing... across the Biathlon track.
Skeleton... without helmets.
Bobsleigh... rocket powered.
Nordic Combined... naked with Barry White music playing.