lovehate: The 3D Movie Resurrection

I know that some people are split on the entire 3D "thing" that has blown up with films over the past couple of years (especially animated ones). I mean let's face it, we're touting technology that has been around for well over half a century in film and longer than that outside of film. Detractors will decry being forced to wear glasses which may be ill-fitting or otherwise poorly-designed. Some people get queasy upon the assault of visual images assaulting their cerebral cortices (alright brain geeks, tell me what part of the brain it really is). Some people just don't like paying an extra three bucks to see the 3D versions of the films that their friends drag them into.

Is the 3D experience really any better than the 2D - hell no! Sure it's different, but if 3D was the "shit", why they hell wouldn't all films go there? At one point the 3D film was a fad, and a production company could bank on a certain percentage of box office just because the film was in 3D. Now it's de rigeur. And your brain may get tricked for the first five minutes into believing that Dr. Tongue's 3D House of Pancakes is really a blast of syrupy goodness, but your brain quickly works out the effect and soon it's pretty much nullified.

There is only one reason to push the 3D experiment to redundancy in film and soon in television: piracy. While 3D certainly won't stop piracy, it may give pause to a certain percentage of the movie-going public that want to have the full experience of seeing a film. I know this is going to sound ironic because if someone wanted a full "film experience" why would they download a pirated copy anyway? Quite simply the growth of the home television screen, and the balance of having to deal with the general idiocy of the public, starts to balance out the fan that is willing to watch the leaked DVD screener of a new film versus going to see a 2D version of it.

If, however, you've convinced yourself that the film just HAS to be seen in 3D, you're pretty much SOL in terms of a pirated copy you can watch on your home system. The movie industry is moving towards 3D not out of any artistic sensibility, but instead out of plain protectionism. And I suppose I don't blame them, but they are sticking themselves between the Scylla and Charybdis. They know that if they release a film ONLY in 3D, box office will suffer. On the other hand, if they release a 2D version, the odds of piracy go way up.

If you've somehow convinced yourself that 3D is truly a better experience than 2D, you've been led astray. I'm not saying it's worse; I'm just saying it's different. Your brain does an amazing job of filling in the gaps and your imagination will overcome flaws in production, environment and often even direction. There are plenty of people in this world who still own black and white televisions or whose color TVs have 14 inch screens. Are they necessarily missing out on an "ideal" experience? Can't I enjoy content whether on my iPod screen or my 67" LCD DLP?

We've forsaken music and still claim to enjoy it. We used to listen to scratchy ceramic cones with no fidelity and eventually grew through vinyl, 8 track, cassette, and compact disc to a level of fidelity that became consistently better and clearer. Yet now we choose 128kb mp3 files that sound like crap compared to a CD or wav file because it sounds "good enough". It's the same reason some people have no trouble downloading films, because to watch even an inferior copy is "good enough". And it's the reason that 3D is really unnecessary from an artistic perspective as the mind's eye can create far richer and vaster conceptions that ever a pair of 3D glasses will be able to construct.

When will Hollywood realize that content is king? When will the focus be put back onto plot and character development with original dialog and concepts that weren't even dated to Shakespeare? I'd rather watch The Godfather on a Casio Wristwatch than watch My Bloody Valentine 3D in an IMAX arena. You don't remember a 3D film or 2D film any differently. Sure you may recall a "cool" scene or two, but is that what a director should be going for - to shock you out of your disbelief for the purposes of thinking "dude that was cool". I loved the film Up, but I don't think back on it in 3D. I simply think back to the story.

If 3D doesn't really add another dimension to films, and does little to improve my memory of them, I suppose the only real value is negative in the cost of an extra 3Dollars out of my pocket to get plastic Chinese factory glasses so that I look like Buddy Holly or Elvis Costello - what a DDDeal!

thinglets: 20 Questions You Shouldn't Have To Answer While Waiting For A Movie To Start

  1. What is Golden Topping made of anyway?
  2. Which one of the Baldwin brothers is in this film?
  3. Do you think they'll show the Sandra Bullock trailer?
  4. What would make my feet stick to carpet?
  5. Did your Grande Burrito have beans in it?
  6. You mean there was an original Planet of the Apes?
  7. When does that new Rob Schneider film come out?
  8. Did you remember to record A Very Special Glee Christmas?
  9. Did I give you my wallet?
  10. Would you mind rubbing my leg if it cramps up?
  11. So there are HOW many of these Twilight thingies left?
  12. Is this the Harry Potter one where they get naked?
  13. Do you want some of the Jell-O I snuck in?
  14. How much would you give me if I yelled "Don't Tase Me Bro!" right now?
  15. Is that your iPhone vibrating in your pocket?
  16. So how about that Paula Abdul huh?
  17. How much does an adult diaper hold?
  18. Isn't this the film Keanu Reeves turned down?
  19. So you remember what to do if my head tilts back and I start drooling?
  20. Isn't that your wife and brother over there?

thinglets: A Great Memory of Star Wars in ASCII art by Telnet

How wasn't this one of the coolest things ever? I remember, over a decade ago, marveling at the time and effort taken to accomplish this. Even thought this only takes us from the intro to meeting Obi Wan, the effort is Herculean. I know that to some, you may look at this and think "WTF is he on about?" Trust me and watch.

Even if you weren't raised on with Star Wars wallpaper and bedsheets and coin banks and nightlights and... maybe I've said too much.

There's no sound to this file. Just pop on your favorite adventure soundtrack in the background for now and enjoy the ride. And hey, it's still better than Jar Jar.

thinglets: 25 Single Words That Identify Authors

I tried to avoid character names which would be very obvious and key title words that didn't exist within the texts. I've also tried to go for the most generic words I could find that the authors "made their own"... well, maybe except for "fardles". Feel free to add your own in the comments.
  1. riverrun - James Joyce
  2. Shantih - T.S. Eliot
  3. fardles - William Shakespeare
  4. towel - Douglas Adams
  5. windmills - Cervantes
  6. robot - Isaac Asimov
  7. soma - Aldous Huxley
  8. Maine - Stephen King
  9. precious - J.R.R. Tolkien
  10. thoughtcrime - George Orwell
  11. plague - Albert Camus
  12. horrorshow - Anthony Burgess
  13. jungle - Rudyard Kipling
  14. ode - John Keats
  15. tyger - William Blake
  16. albatross - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
  17. paradise - John Milton
  18. inferno - Dante Alighieri
  19. waiting - Samuel Beckett
  20. nevermore - Edgar Allan Poe
  21. darkness - Joseph Conrad
  22. moors - Charlotte Bronte
  23. Rockland - Alan Ginsberg
  24. daffodils - Wordsworth
  25. whitewash - Mark Twain

thinglets: 10 Reasons You Should Not Go To See Avatar

Really, go see it if you want. Just be appropriately disgusted as blue slinky creatures fill the screen in a world reminiscent of Endor.
  1. It cost $237 million US to make, which is bigger than the GDP of nine countries!
  2. The Na'vi killed and ate the Ewoks before taking over their planet.
  3. Sigourney Weaver doesn't answer to the name Ripley.
  4. James Cameron hasn't made a film since Titanic and may blow a gasket when isohunt.com posts a copy a day early.
  5. Leonardo DiCaprio ain't the king of this world.
  6. Big let down when you find the entire story is just John Connor playing a video game on Skynet.
  7. The film could never live up to Cameron's masterpiece Piranha Part Two: The Spawning.
  8. If there's not a place for Tom Arnold in a film, I just can't support it.
  9. Sam Worthington's in a remake of Clash of the Titans; don't encourage him, or next he may re-imagine Krull.
  10. Remember the budget for Waterworld? I'm just sayin'!

a literary lovehate: Paul McCartney's "Why Don't We Do It In The Road?"

Why Don't We Do It In The Road? - Paul McCartney

Why don't we do it in the road?

An early surface interpretation might suggest McCartney evoking the obvious late 60's "Summer of Love" mentality of free love, anywhere, any time. His push toward the public expression of sexual gratification in the middle of a city street hearkens to a time period of rebellion against taboos around the world. He devolves us to the apes rushing to copulate "helter skelter" on the asphalt thumbing their nose at older generations who strut around like roosters in tuxedos... with bow ties... drinking single malt.

Why don't we do it in the road?

By repeating the earlier sentiment, one could think McCartney is making us really question the element of the pronoun "we". We assume that McCartney means himself and a lover, but considering the social unrest occurring throughout the western world during this time period, it's highly likely that, in fact, the "we" refers to the group of disenfranchised youth that exercised civil liberties by hitting the streets with placards and chants. It is a call to arms against the military-industrial complex that funded the Vietnam war and sent young people to their deaths while profiteering on death.

Why don't we do it in the road?

In the third proclamation of the title line, the walrus recalls the focus on the word "it" as we realize that perhaps our assumption of the copulation expected in line one was perhaps a bit simplistic in interpretation. We realize that it could be anything. The operative part of the sentence comes later in the revelation that no matter what "it" is, "it" should be done in plain sight. The conveyance of the action (2it) to the road reveals a relatively simple mathematic formula that helps to define the logic of the lyric. To put it simply (Y - [I + U] + 2it) / C200H246N2S7O4.

Why don't we do it in the road?

Only by the fourth repetition do we realize the true pain and suffering behind the artist's vision. Echoing the repetition of Eliot at the end of Hollow Men, McCartney goes to a fourth step that reveals his intention. 

The final question in the WDWDIITR puzzle lies in the "in". The preposition has been a long time misnomer. Does McCartney mean "in" or "on". We normally say phrases like "out in the street", but does this mean we are consumed or buried in the asphalt? Does Sir Paul indicate that we are up to our necks in road and can only rise up by doing it? Are we drowning in the road? It would be easy for McCartney to say "on" the road, but would that really convey the true sentiment of his tortured soul that, at this point, was being swallowed by the Beatles to the point that he essentially recorded this song entirely by himself overnight on October 9th, 1968. McCartney feels dragged down by the rest of the band and stuck in the gooey asphalt that is restricting his creativity. The line is meant to be ironic. Instead of saying "Why don't we just all restrict our creativity and bog each other down?", he instead asks the title line.

No one will be watching us.

McCartney develops the continuing theme of the popular juggernaut that was The Beatles by waxing satiric on the legions of the band's followers. They buried themselves in studios, tried to run to India, ran off in different directions, but still remained more popular than ever. Gaggles of girls waited outside of every door. Television and newspaper reporters waited around every turn. There is no small sadness in the fact that McCartney only feels that his only chance of escaping prying eyes would be in blatant public view. Unfortunately, even an attempt at this strategy didn't work a scant year or so later when The Beatles climbed up on a roof top and the cameras still followed.

Why don't we do it in the road?

Resigned to his fate of never being able to escape the pressures of being in the most popular band in the world, McCartney presages the angst-ridden singer-songwriters of the 1990s and 2000s by contemplating suicide. He wants the entire band and all their fans to join him in a suicide pact while awaiting an oncoming vehicle to run them all over. I know that some of you may think this a bit far-fetched, but I call your attention to the Abbey Road album cover from less than a year later. The fab four lined up like carnival game targets just waiting for a speeding lorry to end "it" all.

thinglets: The Pretty Evolution of the Movie Vampire

The uglier the vampire, the better the ranking for the film. Even the generally populist imdb.com can't seem to find any love for the "pretty" vamps of Twilight. Bring back Nosferatu and Barlow; they scared the shit out of me. Hell, even Blacula beat Twilight - but, as I'm sure Cuba Gooding Jr. will say in a sure-to-be-made Disney vampire dog family flick: "Show me the MONEY!" I think Twilight vamps are Vulcan; they bleed green.

Nosferatu (1922) imdb - 8.1

Salem's Lot (1979) imdb - 6.5

Blacula (1972) imdb - 5.4

Twilight: New Moon (2009) imdb - 4.5

thinglets: The Five Grooviest Schoolhouse Rock Songs

From the quick pace of Rufus to the infectious chorus of Conjunction Junction. From the kickass funky deep groove of Verb and I Got Six to the slow bluesy jam of Naughty Number Nine. Let the grooviness do the talkin'. If you think I missed one, please share in the comments:

1. Rufus Xavier Sarsapirilla


2. Conjunction Junction

3. Verb

4. I Got Six

5. Naughty Number Nine