lovehate: The Lulls

 
I've recently been noticing that I've got a bad case of the Lulls. Such are the circumstances where you become hyper-sensitive to all of the times of the day where you are waiting or expecting something to happen but nothing does.
 
Most of us are familiar with lulls in conversation that can be awkward at times, depending on the opposing party, and often result in meta-thinking along the lines of "wow, this is a really long lull in the conversation." Depending on the length of the lull, other thought can often spring to mind, like sex, drugs, rock and roll, or maybe something as simple as which delectable flavor of Hamburger Helper are you going to prepare tonight. With classic cliches like "the silence is deafening", we often appreciate the lull in a crowd far more than the lull in a one to one conversation. As the number of non-mutes in a room increases the relative probability of a window where NONE of them are issuing sound is rare. In such a case, one is often thankful for availability of background music so that no one will hear if you pass wind in awkward situations.
 
The most natural environment for the modern lull: The Elevator... unavoidable without acting like a douche.
 
Of course there are plenty of situations where lulls can occur in solo life. Many occur with me as I sit waiting for technology to catch up with what I want to do. Whether it's waiting for a website to load or waiting for my PC to boot, I seem to spend a great deal of time waiting in my lull-like states for my plans to be executed.
 
The solo lull is, by no means, limited to technology. Let's face it, the best laid plans often go awry, or are dependent on external factors. It may be an airport delay, the wait for a pizza or courier at the front door, the time spent on hold through the endless circling patterns of automated telephone prompts when I call for customer service and keep pressing zero over and over again in the futile hope that I'll be able to speak to someone in Mumbai who knows nothing of my product or how to fix it or who I should really be speaking to instead.
 
Perhaps the most common solo lull occurs between the decision to lay down in bed and actually falling asleep. I have tried to maximize this lull by listening to podcasts as I fall asleep. It's not that podcasts always, by nature, put me into dreamland, but that the noise that occurs in my brain during a late night "can't sleep" lull is louder than any podcast.
 
And the lull is not subject to only a short term framework. The lull can take the form of stagnation. You may be in a lull and not even know it. The time between jobs is a lull, even though you may be doing day-to-day things. Lulls can last for years and, indeed, can overlap and co-exist with other events that are non-lull-like. Lulls can exist within entire societies. Consider the great technology lull of the black death in Europe. Sure, I know that it sounds a bit crass to reduce the plague deaths of millions of Europeans to a word as simple as lull, but you know the old adage: "One death is a tragedy. A million deaths is lull-inspiring."
 
If we could only learn to maximize the lull potential, we could be far more productive as a people, but I have started to embrace the lull. Just as we appreciate things when held up against their opposites, we should learn to appreciate the lull for the time that we wish there was a lull. Perhaps in the distant future we will establish a lull storage device so that we can bank the lull of a customer service phone call and bring it back up during a really useful event like listening to someone tell you anything that starts with "I don't have to tell you..." Trust me; you'd love the lull at that point.

thinglets: What's Your Best Instrumash Band?

Who said a modern band had to be guitar, bass and drums with the occasional keyboard player thrown in? Let's diversify and throw together instrument combinations that would be able to challenge the establishment. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of mainstream music.
 
My Instrumash Band would include: Theremin, Conch, Tubular Bell and Timpani - I'm ready to ROCK!
 
What's your best instrumash? Plug in below. And just in case you think it can't sound good while being weird, check this out.
 

lovehate: 10 Search Results No Longer Number One On Google.cn

With Google deciding to uncensor itself in China, perhaps some of the most popular search terms will no longer default to innocuous web ephemera:

Search term...

"Tiananmen Square" no longer yields a recipe for the Chinese answer to Nanaimo Bars.

"Dalai Lama" no longer results in a science journal about a cloned experiment on mini-camels.

"Free Tibet" no longer comes up as an incentive offer for an online casino.

"Capitalism" doesn't produce a top result about the ancient belief in SHOUTING IN EMAILS AND CHAT WINDOWS!!!!!

"Forced Relocation" no longer shows judo throws.

"Indentured Servitude" doesn't speak of the longevity of false teeth.

"Censorship" doesn't result in a large boat full of thermometers.

"State Secrets" doesn't point you to the number three soap opera in the country.

"Bloody Coup" no longer points you to a viral video of a pigeon being strangled.

"Overthrow" does not point to a US football playbook on how a quarterback should pass against the wind.

thinglets: Longest Words Around The World

Arabic - أوفلاليستأمنوننكموهالهن

Bulgarian - Ne protivokonstitutsionstvuvatelstvuvayte

Danish - Speciallægepraksisplanlægningsstabiliseringsperiode

English -  pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

French - anticonstitutionnellement

Greek -λοπαδοτεμαχοσελαχογαλεοκρανιολειψανοδριμυποτριμμ
ατοσιλφιοκαραβομελιτοκατακεχυμενοκιχλεπικοσσυφοφαττοπερισ
τεραλεκτρυονοπτοκεφαλλιοκιγκλοπελε& iota;ολαγῳ& omicron;σιραιοβαφητραγανοπτερύγων

Hebrew - וכשלאנציקלופדיותינו 

Hungarian - Megszentségteleníthetetlenségeskedéseitekért

Italian - precipitevolissimevolmente

Lithuanian - Nebeprisikiškiakopūsteliaudavome 

Maori - Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukak
apikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu

Norwegian - fylkestrafikksikkerhetsutvalgssekretariatslederfunksjonene

Polish - Konstantynopolitańczykiewiczykówna

Portuguese - pneumoultramicroscopicossilicovulcanoconióticos 

Spanish - electroencefalografistas

Turkish - Muvaffakiyetsizleştiricileştiriveremeyebileceklerimizdenmişsinizcesine

Vietnamese - Nghiêng

Welsh - Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

thinglets: The Far Out Space Nuts Theme Song

via youtube.com

This show actually existed! Even better, it was a Sid and Marty Krofft production with Bob Denver. I vaguely remember this show as a child, but I love the generic innocence that viewers were willing to give television creators. These days the simplistic premises make me shake my head because they are supposed to be clever. At that time, it was supposed to be stupid and IT WAS! But I've always been a fan of shows that took the time to have a theme song as well. A little bit of retro TV cheese for your Monday.

If you dig the retro TV things, please check out my podcast Best Episode Ever at www.bestepisodeever.com. Hope you dig it!

lovehate: The Nerf Military-Industrial Complex

Two of the greatest toys I ever had growing up was the Nerf Football and Nerf Soccerball. Both spongy projectiles were safe enough to use inside against a wall. Of course they were dangerous to lamps and statues alike, but they allowed for a certain freedom that was important to young Canadian children who were often denied flat outdoor surfaces in the winter to hoof such spherical objects.

There was, at that time, a simplicity with Nerf. Not only in the name, but in the product selection. It was about sports and the ability to get hit in the face with a ball without splitting your lip or losing teeth. Part of this level of innocence came with the fact that every kid knew what Nerf was. They made sponge sport balls, and that was good enough for everyone... everyone that is, except for Hasbro.

In 1970, Parker Brothers released the simply named "Nerf Ball". That's it. Simple, elegant, 4 inches of sponge that sold 4 million units. When they expanded to the Nerf footballs and soccerballs and Nerfoops, all seemed a logical extensions. Through various acquisitions by Kenner, Tonka, and now Hasbro, Nerf has become part of the global military-industrial complex destined to drive our children in lives being destructive war machines.

I offer up the following evidence:

N-STRIKE LONGSHOT CS-6

Where To Buy Print Take your blasting skills to the extreme with this two-in-one blaster! This blaster is more than three feet long and can launch arrows up to 35 feet away! Aim with accuracy and precision using the targeting scope. Two quick-reload clips hold a total of 12 STREAMLINE DARTS. There's even a fold-down bi-pod to help you steady your aim for important shots. Looking for a quick shot at close range? The blaster has removable parts to give you one-handed freedom with a single-shot blaster! In either mode, load up, aim, press the trigger and watch the darts go the distance!

N-STRIKE RAIDER RAPID FIRE CS-35

Assess the situation and be ready to strike against your opponents! The RAIDER RAPID FIRE CS-35 blaster is the ultimate for any battle! The pump-action handle give you total control of our rate of fire, and the drum magazine holds 35 Clip-System darts, giving you massive ammo capacity. A clear window lets you see how much ammo you have left! Two blasting modes give you defensive flexibility – use the slam fire mode for multishots or the slide mode for single shots! This is the pinnacle of blaster performance! Blaster comes with drum magazine, 35 Clip-System darts, and stock.

N-STRIKE RECON CS-6

Build your own blaster with five interchangeable parts that you can take apart and reassemble any way you want. Snap the parts in any configuration onto the TACTICAL RAIL, and gain the upper hand in any situation that calls for awesome  action. Other features include a flip-up sight for aiming precision, a barrel extension and a dual-mode light beam with red-dot accuracy that's perfect for night missions! Use the shoulder stock to steady your shot and store an extra clip of ammo.

N-STRIKE VULCAN EBF-25

Complete your N-STRIKE arsenal and prepare for the ultimate in battery-powered blasting! Be ready for any battle with the N-STRIKE VULCAN EBF-25 blaster - an awesome, fully automatic cannon! Load the blaster and fire at a rate of up to three shots per second! Watch as the belt feeds automatically through the blaster, letting the barrage of firepower continue as you battle your opponent. The piston-powered internal launching system makes it an unstoppable force! Switch to single-shot mode for precision blasting. The removable tripod folds for easy transport -- or a quick escape from enemy fire! Even your toughest opponent won't know what hit him when you unleash the power of the N-STRIKE VULCAN EBF-25 blaster!

What the fuck!?!

Even my beloved Nerf football now looks like a missle or bomb to launch at enemy territory, and apparently sound like one too.

VORTEX MEGA HOWLER Football

The VORTEX MEGA HOWLER football gives you the ultimate football experience with awesome performance and a cool whistling sound like no other football! Go long and see how far you can throw it! Football howls with whistling action as it spirals through the air!

Why do I envision turf wars starting up between five year olds and their Nerf accessories. We'll have a six year old General planning the Tet Offensive while four year olds cower in their foxholes on the front line. Isn't a simple four inch sponge sphere enough.

I remember a time when all Lego had four corners, Monopoly only took place in Atlantic City, and the only game I could play on my TV was Pong. Now, I'm not saying that advancement is bad, but was this the only logical evolution of Nerf? I don't remember Slime becoming Bio-Chem Slime Toxic Warfare. I don't remember Jacks developing sharpened spikes that could be thrown at intruders. I don't remember Simon being electric-charged to shock and torture player who couldn't recall the correct light sequence. Nerf went the way of weaponry, and I just don't get it.

Maybe I'm just old... I need to go find a Space Invaders game and shoot me some aliens.

Podcast 120 - Prorogue This Podcast!

I know that many of you would guess that "Prorogue" would be a dashing thief who gets paid, but instead I offer a ten minute impromptu rant on what Canadian government proroguing is all about, why people SHOULD be pissed off, and how such a messed up system is allowed to continue... it's all about the Benjamins... well, actually it's all about the Loonies.

EDIT: I'm such an idiot that I forgot the Bloc Quebecois when speaking about the political parties. Maybe they need to run in Ontario or do something meaningful for me to care about them.